My Rock
by Kavi Leighanna
Summary: Broken and battered, all he can do is offer his support. COMPLETE!
1. Prologue: Code of Honour

_LIFE OR DEATH IMPORTANT:_

_This story deals with abuse and rape. If these subjects are uncomfortable for you, either please do not read the story (I love criticism, but there is a line between criticism and blatant hatred) or watch for the warning at the beginning of the rape chapter and skip it. **This is your warning, I'm putting it here so you can't say I didn't warn you.**_

_This is a rewrite of Support, It's actually a lot different from the original in the writing style and in the path I'm going to take to the ending. Some of the chapters might be identical because I loved them, but I've literally started writing it from scratch with just the skeleton plot plan. I'm hoping this will tie up loose ends and confusion with who people were and what their roles are. _

_I'd really appreciate your patience while I do this. I promise it will make more sense and won't leave such an open ending!_

_Thanks, Management. _

* * *

There were very few rules in the life of seventeen-year-old James Potter, regardless of his position as Head Boy at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He liked his life that way, carefree, and indifferent. But there were three core rules he lived by: 

1) All Slytherins deserve to be ruthlessly and mercilessly pranked,

2) Homework and shameless flirting will give you a passing grade,

3) Preying on those weaker than you is cowardly, and

4) Unique women deserved to be loved, respected and cherished, not used and thrown away.

It was the skeleton of his code of honour, the one he followed as best he possibly could. Thus, when Head Girl Lily Evans came tumbling through the portrait hole, effectively interrupting a brilliant thought for his latest transfiguration essay, he had to do a double take, for Lily was one of those unique women and she definitely didn't look like she'd been loved, respected and cherished.

She looked like she'd been destroyed.

_01-16-2008_


	2. Chapter 1: Blind Trust

The rivalry and hatred between the Head Students was almost as legendary as the one between Gryffindor and Slytherin. They were hostile at best, terrifying at worst and the school had wondered if it would be safer for them both to stay in Gryffindor Tower instead of the traditional Heads' Suite.But James was not blind, nor was he immune to her. Since Lily was so hostile, he'd channelled his polar opposite feelings into mirroring anger, if only to release some of his frustration. The fact that she was drop dead gorgeous when her eyes flared and her cheeks flushed were secondary.

The disturbing part of the whole thing was that she'd started to withdraw from arguing with him. Six years they had spent at each other's throats and then it shifted. When he looked back on it, the first time it happened was an almost imperceptible change.

_He looked up from his potions essay at the squeak of the portrait and his blood rose in his veins. She'd been glued to her boyfriend for the better part of the day and as a result, James was itching for a fight, something hostile enough that proved he was different from everyone else, even if it wasn't in the way he wanted._

"_Glad to see you aren't actually glued to Mr. Perfect."_

_The glare he expected didn't come. Instead, she wrapped her arms tighter around herself, her eyes clouding instead of flaring. Her fingers gripped her elbows until they were white. She'd completely shut down._

_With a deep breath, she spoke. "I'm going to bed."_

He'd been left in the common room staring at the spot she had once occupied in blatant confusion. He'd shrugged it off as a bad day and moved on. But it happened more and more often and for someone so finely attuned to the redhead, he noticed he wasn't the only person she'd pulled away from. He'd heard her friends lamenting the lack of time Lily had spent with them since returning from summer break.

Her body on the floor of the common room, however was the biggest surprise of them all while still explaining much of her actions through September. He probably wouldn't have even registered her return – her lack thereof only a nigging thought in the back of his brain – if she hadn't literally crashed through it. When he was sure it really was Lily, he was at her side in an instant, essay forgotten as he tried his best to check what injuries she'd accumulated and looking for signs of life.

She was unconscious, that much James knew and it gave him a few moments to consider the best course of action. Moving her could injure her more, but the Hosptial Wing was the best place for her. He had to stop to take a few deep breaths to keep his emotions in check, but he managed to finally make a decision, bundling Lily into his arms and heading to the infirmary. She woke when he placed her gently on the bed and immediately started thrashing about. James tried to carefully hold her down.

The racket did manage to wake Madam Pomfrey, who rushed to the commotion. "What on earth happened?"

"I wish I knew," James answered, reluctantly stepping away.

"Miss Evans, calm down," the nurse ordered in a soft voice, moving past thrashing limbs to cup the redhead's cheeks gently. The touch forced Lily's gaze to focus on the woman and her violent limbs settled on the bed.

And that was the missing puzzle piece that fell into place.

James knew one other girl he'd seen react the same way Lily had. His next-door neighbour had almost taken out his teeth when he found her in the bushes the summer after his first year. Sarah had tried to deck him, but she'd all but melted into his mother's arms. She'd been over so many times since that James looked at her like a surrogate sister.

He'd found out Sarah's father had been physically abusing her.

Lily had fought him in the dame desperate way Sarah had, but she'd calmed with Madam Pomfrey's touch and voice. Suddenly, he understood the oddly fearful look she'd been giving him when he got too close during their fights and why she always froze when he unconsciously backed her against the wall in frustration.

James heart clenched painfully in his chest as he dropped onto the closest bed.

"Mr Potter?"

James blinked. "Pardon?"

"Do you know why Miss Evans is in such a state?"

He had no proof and by the warily guarded look on Lily's face he knew she wouldn't back him up. "I have no idea."

Madam Pomfrey harrumphed before heading off to gather the potions she would need to put Lily right again. It left James and Lily alone and he knew her eyes were fixed on him.

"I won't hurt you," he promised her softly, the gentlest voice he'd ever used with her.

Still, her eyes were wary.

He moved slowly, making sure her eyes tracked his every move and she could see his hands no matter what. He stepped closer to the bed and slowly held out a hand to her. "I won't hurt you."

"I don't know that."

James blinked at the frank answer. "I swear, on my honour as a Marauder."

"What good is that?"

_At least she's talking_, he thought to himself. "Being a Marauder is everything I hold dear," he pointed out, his hand still outstretched. He wouldn't step closer until she took his hand. "I will not hurt you."

She must have seen something in him or heard something in his voice for slowly, tentatively, she placed her hand in his. Still, he didn't take a step closer, just held on as Madam Pomfrey came back, her arms overflowing with bottles. The elder woman bustled about opening bottles and setting them on Lily's nightstand.

"Your shoulder is dislocated and you've got a few cracked ribs," she told Lily swiftly. "And then the obvious bruising, exhaustion and a nasty bump on your head but you'll recover. I'd suggest you stop doing whatever it was that injured you in such a way, Miss Evans. The head injury could have killed you."

James felt Lily's hand tighten on his and absently smoothed his thumb over the back of hers. Killed her? The bastard could have _killed_ her? Taking a deep breath, his shoulders and chest heaving with the effort, he reigned in the rage that boiled up in his stomach. He didn't want to spook Lily, not when he'd just crossed a major barrier.

"You'll stay the night. Mr Potter, you may head back to bed."

"No!"

The exclamation startled both Madam Pomfrey and James, who met Lily's frantic eyes. Much to his surprise, Lily tugged on his hand, forcing him to step closer to the bed.

"He can stay."

The sentence was as much a plea as a question and Madam Pomfrey took a moment to fully register what the Head Girl had said. She didn't understand, none of her other patients wanted the man they despised with them in the Hospital Wing. Nevertheless, Madam Pomfrey was not blind to the death grip the redhead had on James' arm, nor the frightened deer expression on her face. Slowly, she nodded. "You'll need all of these."

"I'll make sure she takes them," James promised softly, carefully perching himself on the edge of Lily's bed.

With a last look between the two, Madam Pomfrey headed back to bed. When James looked to Lily, he found she wouldn't meet his gaze. Looking to the heavens he forced his face into a gentle smile. "Well, Miss Evans? Which drop of poison would you like to swallow first?"

* * *

**_ This one is looking to move much slower than the original version. I'm excited. I'd rather it move slow than the choppy speed the original had._**

**_For those of you who have read this before, I'd appreciate your feedback almost more, especially if you remember the original. For those that haven't read the original and do review, I thank you in advance! _**

_01-16-2008 _


	3. Chapter 2: You Are a Fairy

**You Are a Fairy **

Something happened that night between them, unspoken and virtually unfounded, but it shifted everything both of them had once known. Hatred skipped the tolerance phase and blossomed into a warped relationship that James was sure neither of them could really call a friendship. At least, not while she was still being beaten.

He'd tried to talk to her about it. There were many times she'd wake from a nightmare and James would sit for hours on end in the common room with her, talking about anything to keep her mind off of what she'd dreamed. He could never even finish the question before Lily was changing the subject and so, for her sake, he let it drop.

Still, he counted his blessings that she hadn't been hurt any worse than the night he'd had to take her to Pomfrey. His entire world had shifted to focus on her, to focus on what she needed from him when she wasn't returning to their common room after patrols. He wouldn't allow himself to sleep until she was safely tucked into her own bed.

It was an especially and uncharacteristically chilly night in late October that their relationship shifted yet again.

James was quite thoroughly asleep, dreaming pleasantly about the upcoming Halloween Feast when his fourth helping of turkey and stuffing was interrupted by a rather ugly banshee. It took his befuddled brain a few moments to shake off the cobwebs of sleep and register that the scream was actually not from a banshee at all, but from the bedroom across the common room.

Lily was tearing open her door just as he was about to open it himself. The next thing he knew his mouth was full of red hair and his body was shaking. It took him a minute to realize his body was trembling because Lily was shaking so violently.

His arms had wrapped around her of their own accord his hands trailing up and down her back in soothing strokes. He started murmuring into her hair, telling her about his dream as a way to counteract the horror of hers. The six feet to her bed became miles as he walked her backwards with little baby steps, sitting on the bed and pulling her securely into his lap when he was close enough.

Slowly her shaking stopped and her body relaxed, all but one hand bunched in his t-shirt, her knuckles still ghostly white. It was such a contradiction that when James noticed it, he commented on it.

"Sorry," she said softly, trying in vain to release her grip.

"Hey," he said softly, one hand coming up to rest over it. "It's okay.

She was like a frightened rabbit at times like these and so every movement he made was carefully planned and flawlessly executed so as not to startle or scare her, but the one thing he stayed away from doing was actually sharing a bed with her. It would be so easy after a nightmare to stay with her and hold her, but James wasn't a saint and he hadn't wanted to scare her come morning.

This time he didn't give himself a choice. It took some manoeuvring, but he managed to get them both under the covers, Lily's hand still clutching his shirt. He rearranged them with remarkable efficiency so her head was pillowed on his shoulder, her hand never letting up its desperate clutch on his shirt.

"Why do you let him do this to you, Lil?" James asked softly, his hand sifting through her hair.

"He loves me, James. He does."

It wasn't the first time she'd tried to convince him and yet, he could give her a hundred ways he'd destroyed everything she was. She flinched at the name 'sweetheart'. She gave a wide berth to any male. She was never around just her girlfriends, relaxing and gossiping. She was attached at the hip to the only person he could think of that fit her definition of love. It tore him apart.

"If he loved you, he wouldn't do this to you."

"Don't do this. Please, don't do this."

Oh how he wanted to push her, just this once, to get her to finally tell all of it to someone, but the risk of pushing her out of his life was too great. "Tell me about living with muggles."

It was a common distraction tool that they both employed when she had a nightmare, exchanging stories from their childhoods. James had never realized that they'd grown up in such vastly and completely different worlds. He knew she was muggle born, and he most definitely was not, but never had it been more obvious than the nights they exchanged different stories.

"I've told you about Disney movies?"

"The moving pictures in a box, yes," he agreed pulling a watery chuckle out of her.

"My favourite was Peter Pan," she revealed softly. "The boy who could be a child forever."

"Sounds like Sirius." Score two for James Potter.

"I always wanted a fairy like Tinkerbell. She was Peter's best friend. He could always do anything when Tinkerbell was with him." Then she thought a moment. "I wanted to _be_ Tinkerbell."

"You are, you know, in a sense." Fairies was a topic he could discuss without issue. They'd discussed this 'Walt Disney' character extensively and James theorized he was a wizard merging the magic of his world with the sometimes blatant practicality of hers and adding a splash of dreams.

"I'm not a fairy," she contradicted.

"Oh, Miss Tinkerbell, but you are." If he'd known she'd take immense pleasure in being related to a fictional fairy, he'd have done it ages ago. "Well, you have a wand, you do magic every day," he pointed out. "Your stature aside, I think those are two main fairy criteria."

Lily was silent for a moment as she thought that over. "Thank you."

He brushed his lips against her hair."Go to sleep."

She looked up at him, her nose brushing against his jaw. "You won't leave, will you?"

The request took James by surprise. He'd always thought she'd prefer it if he wasn't there when she woke. Apparently, he was wrong. "No," he found himself promising. "I'll be right here when you wake up."

He stayed awake until he knew she was asleep, her breath full and even against him. His eyes drifted closed as he pressed his lips to her forehead. "I'll always be here."

It was a promise he fully intended to keep.

_01-17-2008_

* * *


	4. Interlude: Dark Intentions

**Dark Intentions **

"Peters! Progress report!"

A hooded figure shivered at the hissing voice but stepped free from the circle. His hood fell, exposing blond hair and blue eyes, fear leaking from every pore of his body. Still, he stood tall. "Everything is going as planned. The mudblood should be useless by Christmas."

"Excellent. Her power will be useful to us. There has not been a Healer in fifty years."

"She will be ours, My Lord. By the end of the week she will be ours."

Voldemort grinned manaically. "Nothing will stop us. She will bring our dead back, she will heal all inflicted wounds with a simple touch."

"My Lord, she will need training."

"She has aspirations for St Mungo's training school," Peters spoke up immediately. "She will be trained."

"Will she be yours?"

"She's in love with me and I've convinced her no one else will take her. She will not leave."

"And you?"

Connor Peters shrugged. "I am at your disposal."

"Perfect."

_01-18-2008 _


	5. Chapter 3: I Wish You Knew

**I Wish You Knew**

October slipped quietly into November and still, James was on the edge of his seat for the next time he'd have to take Lily to Madam Pomfrey. He'd watched her and her boyfriend in the halls, in the Great Hall, in the Gryffindor Common Room and shivered at the sheer possessiveness in every gesture the guy made. Lily's independent spirit had been one of the things to catch his eye. It didn't exist now.

The days she returned for bed without a scratch on her she trembled anyway and James could see relief in her eyes when she took a seat next to him and pillowed her head on his shoulder. A few minutes later she'd be debating the benefits of underwater charms with transfiguration and plants. He wanted to tell her to get rid of the guy, leave him and the pain he so obviously caused her, but it wasn't his place. He was her comfort, her protector, but he still wasn't sure they were friends.

It was an alliance struck out of necessity, not that James didn't fully appreciate it. It was nice not to fight for a change. Sure, he knew more than eighty percent of the times they'd had a row he'd been responsible for starting it, but he'd just wanted to see her cheeks flush and her eyes spark. Now he never saw that Lily, never saw the fire or the angry passion in every line of her body. And if James was fully honest with himself, he wanted that Lily back. It meant things were normal, that things were good.

The second week of November was the worst week of his life.

Monday was an average day, one of the few nights he'd slept all the way through because Lily hadn't had a nightmare. Her boyfriend had been called home for a few days and Lily had revelled in the freedom of the weekend, much to his great pleasure and surprise. She actually bantered with him, pulling back from a full out fight just by the skin of her teeth. It had been a painfully frustrating but highly rewarding weekend. She'd even stayed in Gryffindor Tower one night with the girlfriends she rarely saw. The bags under her eyes, she said the next morning when he pointed them out, were definitely worth it.

But Monday she didn't meet him for their night patrol. That was his first clue that things weren't going to stay the way they'd been for the last 72 hours. He did the patrols by himself, he didn't mind, especially when Sirius and Remus caught up to him and they had their "Marauder's Meeting" as he ensured that all students were safely in bed. They ended up in the Heads' Suite, discussing their latest project – a map that would show them every inch of the castle and every person in it – but James felt his nerves humming just under his skin. Four times Remus and Sirius asked him if something was wrong. Every time he shrugged them off.

But he couldn't shrug off the crash Lily made when she came home at midnight. Sirius and Remus sat shocked as they looked at her, but James went to her side, checking for a pulse and breathing. He grabbed for a small bag by the door, a sort of first aid kit he'd started keeping there for just this instance, pulling muggle smelling salts from a front pouch. Lily woke with a sputter and a cough, her eyes half lidded and pained. She whimpered and struggled gently.

"S'okay, Tink," he said softly, deliberately putting emphasis on the nickname he'd taken to calling her. Never in public, but enough that she'd recognize it. "It's me, James. You're okay."

Slowly she stopped moving, tears springing to her eyes and trailing down already stained and dirty cheeks. "James."

"Mmhmm," he agreed with a gentle smile. "You look terrible, honey. Pomfrey?" To his surprise, she shook her head.

"Just bruised," she murmured. "No bones."

And she looked bruised. Both of her cheeks were swelling up and her wrists were a bright red. "Let's get you to bed, huh? We'll get some of that stuff Sarah gave me."

Sarah was the only other person who'd known. James had gone to her in absolute helplessness, not knowing how to help or what to do. She'd given him the bruise balm she'd used before his mother had taken custody of her. She'd kept it to remind her how strong she was, she'd said, but Lily needed it more.

Gently, James lifted Lily into his arms, not surprised in the slightest when she curled into him as tight as she could. He brushed her knotted hair back from her face when he settled her on the bed. "Get into your PJs, okay? I'll be outside when you're done."

"Promise?"

It never ceased to blow his mind how vulnerable she was at times like these, how opposite the Lily he'd grown up with. "I promise."

He sighed when he closed the door behind him and cautiously met the concerned and questioning eyes of his friends. Remus had drawn up a friendly truce with Lily during their years as prefects and Sirius had come to grudgingly respect her as a smart and talented witch. Generally they weren't friends, for loyalties ran deep, but their respect of her gave them cause to be concerned. James looked at them sheepishly.

"She fell down?"

"And I'm a virgin," Sirius snapped back immediately.

"From the looks of things this isn't the first time it's happened," Remus spoke softly.

James' shoulders sagged. "Two months."

"What!?"

"This has been going on for two months. She won't tell anyone."

"So you have to," Sirius hissed strongly. "That just isn't right!"

"You think I don't know that?" James whispered back harshly. "She made me promise."

"Promise or not this has to stop, James," Remus murmured, his eyes fixed on Lily's closed door. "Two months?"

"Half way through September," James agreed. "I had to take her to Pomfrey."

"No wonder no one's heard a classic Potter-Evans row," Sirius replied with a nod. "You friends?"

James sighed, running a stressed hand through his hair. "I don't think 'friends' is the right word. Allies is kind of more like it."

The door creaking open drew all eyes and Lily stepped out, favouring her right ankle. She looked up at James with a grimace. "Sprained, I think."

James knew the second she caught sight of Sirius and Remus, for her eyes widened and he had to rush forward to catch her when she overbalanced on the bad ankle. "They're not going to do anything," he said immediately. "I promised you that you'd always be safe here and I don't break my promises."

Lily had no reason not to believe that. He hadn't broken one to her. "Um… Trick step."

"We know," Remus answered, his voice full of his knowledge of the truth. Still, he said nothing more.

James helped Lily to the couch, settling her against the cushions. "Where?"

By this point, they both had the routine down to a science, almost to the point where words weren't necessary and if they were, only few were used.

"Wrists, cheeks, ankle and…" she shifted uneasily until she grimaced again, "left hip."

"I can't do anything about the sprain," he told her softly.

"Magical Medical Theory. Bookshelf," she replied, hissing as the cool cream touched her burning wrists.

James glanced up from her wrists in surprise. "You've been busy."

The redhead shrugged, taking the book Remus offered her. "I figured it was smart."

Her detached tone surprised Remus and Sirius, James could tell, but it didn't surprise James in the slightest. She'd break down when his friends left, he was sure of it. "You overachiever, you."

"I've always had a gift with healing magic," she said softly as she flipped through the pages.

Sirius and Remus exchanged a glance before Sirius faked a yawn. "We've been up late," he said. "We're off to the Tower."

James shot them a thankful look. "Breakfast tomorrow, I'll meet you down in the Great Hall."

"Night."

When the door clicked shut, he counted to five before he saw Lily's book shaking in her hands. He moved swiftly, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and turning her head into his shoulder. "You didn't have to be strong, you know. They wouldn't have thought any less of you."

She continued to shake, though not sob, and James realized that her experiences had shifted a lot more than just her personality. She was getting used to it, and that was dangerous. Her tears were hot on his shirt, but there was no wailing, no deep, lung-filling gasps. He pulled her even closer, his mind freezing at the thought. This _had_ to end.

"This isn't right," he whispered to her, inserting almost violent conviction into his voice. He had to make her believe it. "This isn't the way things should be."

"He loves me."

He shifted her swiftly and efficiently, forcing her legs to straddle his as he cupped her swiftly healing cheeks. "He's destroyed everything you are."

They'd never had this conversation before. He'd never pushed her, allowed her to continue to believe whatever she wanted to believe so long as he could be there beside her. But this was the last straw.

"Please don't. Not tonight."

But he wasn't willing to let it go. "Do you remember this weekend? How you had three days to do whatever you wanted? You hung out with Katie, and Beka. You spent time talking to people you haven't said a word to in two months, people who actually _missed_ you. You tutored again, if only for a couple of days and come back with a smile on your face I haven't seen since the end of last year."

"Don't."

"I can't not," he told her, his eyes pleading with her. "I can't watch anymore. I can't watch him take you apart piece by piece until there's nothing left but a shell going through the motions."

"Don't."

He'd brought tears to her eyes and that would get him every time. His heart clenched and he dropped his chin to his chest. "I wish you'd think about it."

"He loves me."

James put her to bed then, neither of them saying a word. But he was up much later, tossing and turning and trying to understand what was going on. It dawned on him just as the sun was peeking through his window that Lily's boyfriend had managed to convince her that no one else could love her. He'd picked at her faults instead of the beauty of her, the good things about her, and she'd suppressed those things as a result.

Now he had to find a way to bring them out again.

* * *

**_The previous chapter takes place during the weekend Lily's boyfriend is away. Just to give you guys a better idea of the timeline. But it would have been awkward to try and fit it smoothly in here,so it got it's own little interlude chapter. Hope it wasn't too confusing._**

_01-17-2008_


	6. Chapter 4: Torn

_**THIS IS THE NOT SO NICE CHAPTER!**_

_**This would be the point where the rating comes in handy. It's not graphic, it's not the end of the world, but it's here and if you're uncomfortable with it, I might suggest you skip down past the first divider. Then everything is pretty much okay, I think. If it still makes you uncomfortable, I'd suggest skipping this chapter all together.**_

_**And I probably should have included this at the beginning, but this isn't HBP or DH compliant. This is one of the ways a relationship could develop between them, but it's not even close to the one that DH talks about. **_

* * *

**Torn**

Tuesday was a concussion, Wednesday a broken wrist and by Friday morning he had gotten eight hours of sleep in 72 hours. Saturday wasn't much better and he'd had to take her to the Hospital Wing. Three broken ribs and a twisted ankle.

But the day he wouldn't forget as long as he lived was Sunday.

Lily tried to make sure she was home in decent time on Sundays so that she could get enough sleep for Monday's classes. She was _always_ there for Sunday's patrol. It was the one that seemed to mean the most to her, the routine that was the most comfortable. So he started to worry when patrol time came around and she was nowhere in sight.

James went to Gryffindor Tower first. Sirius and Remus had taken to keeping an eye on her when she was in the Tower. When he asked if they'd seen her, they shook their heads.

"We thought she was with you. This is past patrol time."

James groaned. "She's not. She's late."

"She's never late on Sundays," Remus said, her partner in previous years' early prefect patrols.

"Where's Conner."

Sirius shrugged. "He and his cronies muscled out a first year about an hour ago." Then Sirius straightened. "Lily went with them."

James swore so hard the room silenced almost immediately and even the less straight-and-narrow students blushed. Sirius and Remus took a step back. "We have to find her."

"Listen up!" Sirius shouted to the still-silent room. "We need Peters and Evans. Any idea where Peters would take Wechard?"

No one stepped up and James found himself growling. Remus put a hand on his shoulder. "No one will get hurt," Remus promised. "We're looking for Lily."

A small girl stepped forward, a second year, James' mind told him, one that Lily tutored on a semi-regular basis. "He took Derek Matheson down to the dungeons two days ago," she said softly.

Without thinking twice, James wrapped the girl in a hug and kissed her forehead. "Thank you."

Sirius and Remus followed him out, the former pulling out a tattered piece of parchment. "The dungeons are huge, but they're one of the things we've got on the Map."

James continued moving, nodding absently. He thanked his natural curiosity that he knew a million different way down to the depths of the castle. They waited for a moment pausing completely, James even holding his breath.

"You whore!"

James was off like a shot as soon as his ear placed the sound coming soflty off to his left. Sirius and Remus sprinted to keep up with him. He paused at the first fork, waving his hand for the Map. When they finally found the room James couldn't believe what he was seeing.

Lily was magically bound to the wall, her cheek bleeding, shirt torn. Conner Peters was in front of her, his body hiding most of what he was doing. The small first year, Wechard, was curled in a corner, his head hidden in his legs. His friends had left.

"Come on, Baby, scream for me."

James' attention was drawn back to Peters and Lily and a twisted part of him was proud of her for not giving into to his command.

"Don't."

James saw Peters hands move in front of him and seconds later his pants were around his knees. Lily's blood-curdling scream snapped him from his frozen state and he moved swiftly into the room, Sirius and Remus behind him. Lily was the only thing in his vision, her skirt held on by the way she pushed hard against the wall, her shirt ripped open, buttons everywhere on the floor. He did his best to avert his eyes as he ripped off his robe and ended the spells around her body. He caught her in his robe and bundled her close to his body.

"Shh," he said, pushing her nose into his neck. "It's James, you're okay now, Tink. You're going to be okay." He turned to his friends, thanking something that Remus balanced Sirius' serious temper. "Get McGonagall. I'm taking Lily to the Hospital Wing. Wechard," the little boy looked up in absolute shock. "Come on."

He couldn't remember the path he took to the Hospital Wing, nor could he remember Madam Pomfrey bustling over. The only thing he remembered was the look of Connor Peters raping Lily Evans and the terrified eyes and vulnerable voice.

"Stay?"

* * *

Lily, at this point, was not sure of much. The only thing she was sure of was James Potter at her bedside, offering the same endless support he'd given since September. She could tell Pomfrey was apprehensive about James staying, but Lily refused to let go of his hand. She was impressed that James' eyes refused to stray from hers as Pomfrey opened the robe he'd used to cover her. The redhead squeezed James' hand tightly as Pomfrey handled her injuries, throwing her magically removed clothes on the floor beside her. 

The nurse healed the physical wounds, but there were wounds there was no way she could heal. James' own reaction was visceral as he saw the ripped skirt and panties on the floor. It took Lily's nails digging into his hand as Pomfrey healed shallow slashes on her stomach that James had not seen.

"I've done all I can, dear. The rest you will have to heal. Bedrest, less stress," she said, looking pointedly at James. Before James or Lily could protest to leaving the Head Girl alone, the headmaster breezed into the room, Sirius and Remus close on his heels.

"Miss Evans," Dumbledore said, acknowledging James with only a look.

Lily squeezed James' hand hard and James squeezed back, reassuring her he wasn't ready to go anywhere.

"Are you ready to explain what happened?"

Lily shook her head quickly, making the room spin around her."

"Headmaster, please! Rape is traumatic and I don't-"

James stopped listening, his mind focused on Lily as she dissolved into silent tears. It was one thing to know what happened, but a completely different thing to have someone, a nurse, an adult, a respected figure, confirm it. Delicately, slowly, mindful of what she'd been through he sat on the bed, pulling her into his embrace, adjusting further onto the bed as she tried to crawl into his skin.

"Lily!"

Lily's best friends burst into the hospital wing, eyes wild. They'd gotten slightly used to not seeing her around, but Wechard had made it back to the common room and they'd heard from him. They crouched down beside the bed, glaring at James. Lily flinched further into his embrace as Katie reached out to touch her and both girls glared harder.

"What did you do to her?" Beka hissed. Beka was more temperamental, more likely to jump to conclusions without evidence.

James was indignant. "You think I could do this to her and still hold her here?"

"Now, ladies, I'm sure Mr Potter did nothing. Maybe you should ask what happened before jumping to conclusions?" Dumbledore suggested calmly and with a slight tinge of amusement.

"Lil, what happened?" Katie inquired, reaching out and smoothing a hand over Lily's hair. Like before, Lily immediately flinched away, tightening her arms around James' ribs in the process. Katie pulled away.

"Lily?"

"They're not going to hurt you, Honey," James said softly. "It's Katie and Beka, your friends." His hands stroked her back, hoping that as she calmed she'd release the pressure on his ribs. She looked so vulnerable when she met his eyes that he almost burst into tears himself. "Look, Tink."

She had no reason not to believe him and so, took in each face one by one, ending with her best friends. She let out a relieved sigh.

"So Potter, your mortal enemy, can touch you but we can't? What came over you?" Beka asked, shaking her head.

Tears welled up in Lily's eyes at the accusation and she turned her head back into James' shoulder.

"Headmaster, I've done all I can," Madam Pomfrey said softly.

Dumbledore nodded.

"Mr Potter, if you would be so kind as to take Miss Evans up to her bed?"

_As if there's anyone else here she'd let do it,_ James thought to himself but nodded, pushing past Lily's friends with the redhead securely in his arms. Dumbledore followed, closing the door behind them as Pomfrey bustled off.

But that left another volatile problem. Lily and James' arguments had been natural disasters in their own right, but nothing could counter Sirius and Beka losing their tempers at one another. Lily and James argued regularly, but Sirius and Beka ignored each other until they blew up. As it was, both of them were shaking, Sirius out of suppressed rage at Conner Peters and Beka out of suppressed frustration with the shift in Lily.

"You just don't quit, do you?" Sirius snapped, directing the question to the girls.

"Come off it, Black, you know Lil would never voluntarily pick Potter over us," Beka shot back.

"Open your eyes!" Sirius exploded. "This isn't about picking and choosing it's about a girl who has been changing drastically over the last couple of months and you've noticed! She talks to her boyfriend, and James and James' neighbour Sarah and she didn't meet Sarah until October. And the worst part was you didn't even look for the signs. All you cared about was that she wasn't spending time with you and she was throwing herself into her studies. Did you ever consider for one minute that her 'studies' were cover for getting away from everything?" He stopped there, unable to articulate anything further because he was so angry. He threw his hands up and stalked out, shoving the doors open so they banged against the wall.

Remus looked after Sirius, then faced them, uncharacteristic anger swirling in the depths of his eyes. "Maybe if you'd waited you'd have found out what happened." He spoke softly but articulately. "Maybe if you'd looked closer, you'd notice that she'd spend more time around James or holed up in her room. Maybe if you'd asked someone instead of accusing and assuming, someone would have told you that Lily was in the hospital wing because she was raped."

Beka and Katie were speechless. "What?"

"Connor raped Lily, that's why she's withdrawn and flighty," Remus explained with forced patience. "James and Sarah knew. They're the only ones she's fully trusted through this whole thing, though she's less and less jumpy around Sirius and I."

Katie looked to Beka. "How long?"

"September." He was calming down, something he was thankful for. He was going to have to go handle Sirius after this.

"We should apologize," Katie whispered to Beka. "We were stupid and insensitive."

Beka was playing with the hem of her shirt. "Why didn't she tell us?"

"Would you go proclaiming to the world you were being physically abused by a guy that you were sure loved you?" Remus pointed out sarcastically.

"We're her best friends," Beka protested hotly.

"And James isn't going to take your place," Remus shot back. "They've bonded over this, but it's not like he can replace you."

Katie eyed him. "You know a lot about this."

Remus shrugged. "I read a lot. Lily likes spending time in the library and James didn't like her spending that time alone. Of course, neither James or Sirius was going to go into the library and lucky for us, Connor avoids it like the plague so…"

"James really does care."

"He's done everything in his power to make Lily feel safe. He changes the password all the time, distracts her when she has a nightmare, anything and everything he can," Remus revealed.

"Why?" It didn't make sense to either seventh year.

Remus shrugged again. "Your guess is as good as mine."

_01-22-2008 _


	7. Chapter 5: Skinned Raw

Lily had to tell herself to keep breathing. She could hear James' heartbeat under her ear and smell him against her. It was the only shred of sanity she held onto for the moment. She wasn't paying attention to where they were going, nor did she care so long as _he _wasn't there. Her arms held James' neck tightly, refusing to let go, refusing to give him an inch of space. He was safety, he was honesty, he was true protection.

"Lily, honey, you're in your own bed. He's not here. It's okay for you to let go," he told her softly after setting her down on her red comforter.

Lily shook her head fervently and held on tighter, almost dragging him on top of her.

"Tink, you need to put on something other than my robe," he explained to her gently. "Come on, Love."

_No,_ her mind said strongly. _No, no, no, no, no._ She must have done or said something, for James' hand started stroking her back.

"You're going to get cold, Tink. You need some pyjamas, something other than my robe."

But she like his robe, it smelled like him.

"Come on," he urged again. "You'll feel better."

She snorted.

James kissed her forehead. "You'll feel more comfortable," he amended though Lily could hear the sardonic smile in his voice.

Reluctantly, Lily let go and allowed James to root around in her drawer for pyjamas while she clutched the black fabric tighter around her body. She let him pick out candy-cane patterned ones, tilting the corner of her mouth up at the smirk on his face, and a white t-shirt. Slowly, Lily stood, feeling aches in muscles that Pomfrey could not heal. She knew James wouldn't go into her underwear drawer, out of respect.

James sat himself on the edge of her bed as she wandered into the bathroom and prayed to the powers above that she would be able to bounce back. He wasn't naïve enough to think it would be fast, but he hoped that she would and that she would let him help her in the process. He heard the shower turn on and sighed, wondering what on earth he could do.

His idea came to him with the rumbling of his stomach and James scrawled a quick note to leave on her pillow before heading off to the kitchens. He made it most of the way without a single interruption, but Sirius was angrily pacing the large floor of the Entrance Hall.

"Hullo Padfoot."

"How is she?"

James had to blink at how concerned Sirius really sounded. "Scared shitless," he answered finally, honestly. "I thought I'd get her some comfort food."

Sirius nodded and fell into step with him.

James waited a beat. "Where's Remus."

"Dunno," came the sullen reply. "He left after me."

James waited patiently for the outburst.

"You know the first thing they said when you left was that Lily would never pick you over them?" Sirius asked, his voice oddly conversational.

James absorbed the knowledge and Sirius' use of the redhead's first name. Sirius hated Lily on principle, though since he and Remus had discovered her abuse, James knew Sirius hadn't bothered with principle so much.

"How can they call themselves her best friends when they see Lily with you before they see that she's not okay?"

To James, that explained exactly what was going on in Sirius' head. All of the Marauders lived by the same general Code of Honour and no matter how much Sirius disliked the straight-laced stuffy version of the Head Girl, he couldn't fault her for being extraordinary.

"Tink's what matters right now," James said slowly. "Leave Katie and Beka to figure things out with her on their own time."

The exchanged no more words while the house-elves prepared a virtual feast in a picnic basket for James to take back to Lily, and separated at the fork to Gryffindor Tower and the Heads' Suites.

"Remus and I'll come visit later," Sirius called as he waved absently.

James shook his head in brotherly affection as he continued his trek to his and Lily's room, speeding up when he heard her frantic voice. "Here, Love," he called, setting his basket on the floor just in time to open his arms to the shaking readhead who'd just come streaking out of his room.

"I was so scared something had happened to you or you weren't going to come back because you thought I was a worthless dirty whore too and I could think straight when you weren't sitting on the bed where you were when I went to get changed and-"

"I left you a note," James interrupted firmly, one of his hands cupping her head, "but I guess you didn't find it." He filed 'dirty whore' away for later. He walked them to the couch, sitting and adjusting her in his lap.

"Talk to me," she requested when the silence wore on too long.

James wracked his brain for the last time they'd had this conversation and sighed. It really was his turn. "I think Sirius has managed to thoroughly confuse Beka."

"Oh?"

James chuckled slightly. "I don't think Beka thought Sirius had a heart."

Lily looked up. "Of course he does."

James brushed hair away from her face, kissing her forehead gently. "Three months ago you would have agreed with her," he pointed out.

Lily blushed. "But I got to know him."

"Exactly," James nodded with a large smile. "Now you tell me about Tinkerbell." Since giving her the nickname he hadn't asked for anymore details, content to let Lily be the only fairy he could describe to a tee, but she needed the distraction and he couldn't hold off his building curiosity any longer.

"Fine, but you owe me two stories. That was unfair."

He kissed her head again, his hand on her back drawing random patterns on her t-shirt. "Deal."

She sighed. "Tinkerbell never liked Wendy," she began slowly. "Actually, Tinkerbell _hated_ Wendy because she thought Wendy was coming to take Peter away from her."

"But that's not what Wendy wanted?" James asked.

"Of course not. Wendy didn't want to grow up and Peter gave her the chance to make that dream come true. Not everybody can be as effortlessly childish as Black."

James grinned as the matter-of-fact, know-it-all tone snuck into her answer. "And Tinkerbell didn't like her."

Her hands were playing with the tie of her pyjama pants. "Right," Lily answered, though James could hear the hitch in her voice.

He sighed. He knew she didn't want to talk about it, but the bigger part of him argued it was better to deal with the wound now instead of tearing the band-aid off of it again later. "Tink, why are you dirty?"

She rubbed her hands over her arms. I am," she whispered sullenly.

Jamesl looked down at her for the first time, getting a good look at how her skin was. _She rubbed herself raw_,he realized and as gently as he could pulled her closer to him. He didn't think telling her he thought she was absolutely beautiful would only skew her outlook even more. Instead, he reached for the picnic basket.

"I brought comfort food," he told her. He k new he'd successfully averted her attention and changed the subject when she looked curiously from the basket to James. He waved to towards her bedroom.

"Go get a blanket and I'll set everything out, okay?"

Lily nodded, quickly scampering back into her room and lifting the Gryffindor comforter off of her bed. Within moments, James and Lily were snuggled against the common room couch, her back to his chest, each nursing a hot apple cider. They talked about inconsequential things, Lily telling him more about her family, anything that would keep her mind off of what had happened that night. It worked well and, as usual, Lily found herself opening up to the same boy that had driven her crazy for six years. He was trying, and succeeding, in getting her comfortable. Suddenly the redhead let out a yawn.

"Tired?" he teased, nudging her slightly.

She smiled at him, just barely. "I don't want to go to sleep," she confessed.

"No one will hurt you. I changed the password on the portrait and I'm right here," he stayed awake until Lily was asleep. Then, kissing her hair, he whispered his goodnight.

* * *

**_This will be the last update for a bit._**

**_School got hellish, and that's really an understatement. I probably won't get anything else up until the third week of February when I have a second to do the next chapter justice. _**

**_Thanks to those who have left me a review. I love hearing your comments! _**


	8. Chapter 6: Not Yet Broken

"You idiot! Thick headed, dim-witted, idiot!"

Connor cowered back at the rampage, the man in front of him more intimidating than Connor had ever seen him. Despite his being sorted into Gryffindor, his family had been long-standing friends with the Malfoys, Blacks and Lestranges, he and Rodolphus as close as brothers.

Rodolphus didn't look like a brother anymore.

"I didn't get much of a choice," Connor managed to speak up, his voice shaking in fear. "She was this close to being mine."

"But she isn't!" Rodolphus roared. "You do not know how much of our entire mission relies on that mudblooded whore."

Connor cowered again, shrinking as far back against the chair he sat in.

"They will be more protective! If she goes to Dumbledore-"

"She won't!"

Rodolphus glared at being interrupted. "If _anyone_ goes to Dumbledore, this is the end of us. And I don't mean in this organization."

Connor sneered. "What does she have?"

"None of your business," Rodolphus snapped. "You were to keep her close to you and so, close to us. You're lucky My Lord hasn't killed you on sight!"

Connor shivered. He didn't want to die. "What can I do?"

Those were the words Rodolphus was looking for as a slow, devious smile crept over his face. "I have an idea."

* * *

James brushed Lily's hair back from her face the next morning, slightly surprised that neither of them had moved during the night. In fact, Lily's hand was wrapped tightly in his shirt where it rested on her shoulder. The soft smile, turned into a grimace when his head caught up with the memories. As many times as he'd dreamed of waking up beside Lily, the circumstances he hoped for were never like this. 

"Lily?" he called softly, trying to wake her up. "Tink?"

Lily looked up blearily grimacing slightly from the twinge of injuries. The grimace faded. "Morning," she whispered. To her surprise, her bones just about melted from the grin he flashed her. She managed a small smile in response.

"Morning, Tink," he answered. "How are you?"

"Physically, fine."

"Emotionally?"

"I'll pull through."

"Lily." His arms were gentle around her, the light touch of his lips on her hair enough to break down the last of her fragile barriers. She began to cry in earnest the first time she'd allowed the sobs to wrack her small frame since it had happened. He did the only thing he could think of and pulled her tight, rubbing her back gently as she cried.

"Why me? What did I do?" she asked when she had calmed down enough to talk.

James kissed her hair again. "You didn't do anything, Love. What happened to you isn't in anyway your fault," he tried to assure her. "Nothing like this could be your fault."

Lily snuggled closer, tears still trailing down her face. After a few minutes of silence, allowing Lily the chance to get herself back under control, James' stomach let out a growl. The redhead looked up, a smile playing at her lips. He returned a smile with a sheepishly apologetic one of his own.

"Sorry," he said. "Can I go get something from the kitchens? Or the Great Hall?"

He fully expected her to shake her head or yell and scream at him for being insensitive. Much to his surprise, her face was determined.

"Great Hall," she said. "I'll come with you."

"Are you sure?" Skeptical was an understatement to describe the tone of his voice.

"You're going to be there right? And Remus and Sirius? What have I got to fear with you three around?" She cracked him a small smile.

"Of course." Something in the back of his head reminded him of the oddity of the situation. Three months ago, she would have preferred to be as far away from the Marauders as possible and now she wanted them close. It was too bad that it was because she felt threatened around anyone else.

He cupped her face in his hands, making sure his eyes locked on hers. "I want you to know you're protected. Remus, Sirius and I won't let anything hurt you again," he said confidently. Then he flashed her a smile. "Now, to breakfast, fair Tinkerbell."

Lily let out a sound akin to a giggle as she allowed him to help her up. "In our pyjamas?"

James looked down at himself, then at her. "We should probably change," he agreed. Much to his surprise Lily burst into tears.

"How can you want to be seen with me? I'm a whore."

James almost gasped at Lily's words and was beside her in seconds pulling her close to his body. When the tears subsided he held her head, fingers threading through her hair. "Don't ever say that Lily, ever. To me, you're still beautiful. You were always beautiful." Lily tried to look away, but he wouldn't let her.

"If you won't believe that at least believe it wasn't your fault. Believe you were the victim," he begged her, his eyes shining with the plea.

"Why? You heard him, I'm a whore." She forced his hands to let go of her head, turning away.

"I heard him, love, but I don't believe him," he told her with so much conviction in his voice that her eyes snapped back to his. "I believe what I see right in front of me and that's a beautiful, intelligent strong woman who decided to face the entire school instead of ordering breakfast up here the night after she was assaulted. Lil, Sarah didn't want to leave the guest room when she stayed with us and you're willing to face hundreds of students you're not sure you trust anymore."

"I shouldn't. They'll all probably think I'm a dirty slut."

"It's not written on your forehead, Tink. By doing this you are showing everyone that you can't be beaten. I'm so proud of your determination and your, your… strength."

Lily shuddered.

James settled his hands on her shoulders. "We will be there with you the entire time. Me, Sirius, Remus… we'll all be beside you the whole time." Merlin, the vulnerability in those green eyes would make him her eternal slave. "I promise."

Lily took a deep breath. She could do this. She'd been down to the Great Hall many, many times and since… well, everything started. And the logical part of her brain knew James was right. There wasn't a sign on her head that said she was a whore.

She looked up at him. "Let's go."

The corner of James' mouth curled up in a smile. He knew better than to ask with that tone of voice. "In our pyjamas?" he asked, throwing her words back at her.

She looked down at herself and grimaced. "No, not in our pyjamas. Five minutes?"

James hugged her briefly. "Five minutes."

She flashed him a smile and headed off for her room.

James sighed, running a hand through his hair as her door clicked closed. "You were always beautiful to me," he whispered to the now empty room. "I just wish you could have seen it before." With another sigh and another glance at her closed door, James went to change out of his own pyjamas.

* * *

_** So I ended up getting a second because I have read way too much about organized crime in the last 48 hours. So I decided for some sexual assault instead! Man, I am such a law student. **_

_**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it and I'm going on record that it's 2 weeks earlier than I'd planned! That's exciting. **_

_**Thanks for the reviews. I love them all to death. **_


	9. Chapter 7: Protective Circle

The Great Hall was chattering away as Lily and James approached the doors and Lily had to pause for a moment, stopping dead in the middle of the Entrance Hall, her eyes slamming shut.

"Tink?"

"Just… I need…"

"A minute, okay. Take a breath."

Lily did as he suggested, her chest rising and falling with the action. She felt James take her other hand, squeezing them tightly.

"We don't have to do this," he told her softly. "We can go right back upstairs and get something from the kitchens."

But Lily was shaking her head before he'd even finished. As much as she wanted to race up the stairs, curl up in the fetal position and never come down again, she knew that she was going to have to face the student body at some point. She was Head Girl. She couldn't be seen as weak and vulnerable.

"I need to do this."

James kissed the top of her head. "I'll be beside you the whole time. We'll go sit by Sirius and Remus, okay? _Nothing_ will hurt you."

Lily locked her green eyes on his hazel ones, seeing the passion and conviction in his gaze. "Okay."

Talk quieted down almost immediately when James and Lily entered the Great Hall and Lily's senses went haywire. They had to know. There was no way they would be that quiet, start that harsh whispering, if they didn't know.

"Keep walking," James murmured encouragingly. "Not too much further."

Remus noticed them before Sirius, and smiled at Lily gently. He moved over, creating space for both of them right beside him. James guided Lily in first, following quickly. He tried not to show his surprise when Lily immediately grasped his hand when he was settled.

"Good morning," Remus murmured with a smile.

Lily smiled back tightly, her senses on high alert. The entire hall was casting glances at her, whispering furtively. The last time she could think of where the hall had been buzzing like this was the time she and James had gone two weeks without fighting. She looked up at James when he squeezed her hand.

"Eat something," he said, dropping two pieces of dry toast on her plate. He, like her, wasn't sure what her stomach would be able to handle.

"I'm not hungry," she murmured in a small voice.

James sighed. "Tink, look at me."

Reluctantly, Lily brought her head up from the piece of table she was studying.

"You have to eat something, Love," he cajoled, his voice only slightly softer than her own. "Just try."

Lily was about to take a bite of one of the pieces of toast when she heard her name shouted across the hall. She froze, recognizing Katie's voice immediately.

"Morning," Katie greeted tentatively.

"Morning," James and Remus replied amicably.

"Lily?" Beka questioned, trying to get the redhead's more focused attention.

Lily turned slowly, meeting Beka's tentative smile with one of her own.

"We're sorry," Beka said softly.

Lily was surprised to hear the words. "For what?"

"For being insensitive mostly. We completely missed what was right in front of our noses. We weren't very good friends," Katie responded.

Lily let out a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob. "You don't hate me?"

"What? Lily no!" Beka exclaimed.

"We could never hate you," Katie added, her entire face showing the shock she felt.

Lily threw her arms around Beka, the closest of her friends, laughing loudly and crying into her shoulder. Eventually, all three girls settled themselves, Katie beside Sirius on the other side of the table. James has to hold in his excitement at the small smile that was now pasted on Lily's face. He was even happier when she actually began loading her plate with more substantial foods.

"So… we've been hearing some interesting things this morning," Beka said nonchalantly as she buttered a piece of toast.

The Marauders and Lily stiffened immediately Lily's hand groping for James' under the table.

"So Lil," Katie picked up with a secretive smile. "How long _have_ you and James been dating?"

"That's the gossip?" Sirius exploded. "You built it up like that, you had us on the edges of our seat that the whole school knew—"

"Sirius!" James roared over his friend. The hall silenced immediately and James flashed them a charming smile. "Everything's fine, carry on!"

Katie's eyes widened as she caught on to what the others were referring to and why they were so tense. "You thought that the school… Merlin no! No one knows about that!"

"Apparently you and James came strolling in here looking rather cozy and you know what rumours are like here," Beka explained quickly. Their intention had been a bit of teasing, not to scare her.

"We're not dating," James assured them.

"I don't know…" Beka said, now more comfortable with teasing since they'd gotten the scare out of the way. "You guys look rather cozy now."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Because heaven forbid we're doing it as friends." She breathed out a mental sigh of relief, now much more relaxed knowing they were simply spreading a rumour instead of spreading the truth. The relief, however, was short lived when the last person any of them wanted to see stepped up behind Lily.

"There you are sweetheart," Connor said, moving her hair out of his way so he could press a kiss to her shoulder. Lily stiffened immediately, her body freezing in place. She needn't have worried, however, since Sirius was up out of his seat and hurdling over the table before anyone fully understood what was going on.

James' attention turned straight to Lily, only half of his brain paying attention to what was going on between Connor and Sirius. He did catch Remus rising out of the corner of his eye and hoped that they didn't do anything too stupid in their quest for revenge.

Lily was shaking so violently that James wasn't sure if his own tremors were from her or from his anger. What he did know was that it was starting to get difficult to hold on to the shivering redhead. "Lil? Tink, love. Come on."

It wasn't until Lily took a shuddering breath that James realized she's stopped breathing entirely.

"Lily, breathe," Beka coached from beside them, resting a gentle hand on Lily's back.

Lily gasped for air as her brain remembered to tell her to breathe and clung tightly to James' jumper. Her mind was racing, heart hammering, and she probably couldn't have picked up a fist sized rock if she tried, her hands were shaking so badly.

"You're okay," James said softly, his voice almost melodical. "You're okay. No one's going to hurt you, I promise."

"Mr Potter."

James looked up at Dumbledore, his hand still making the same strokes up and down Lily's back. He'd found it calmed her in the past and took advantage of it now. "Good morning, professor."

"Might I suggest you escort Miss Evans back to your dormatories?" the headmaster said with a gentle smile. "I think you'll find the Entrance Hall empty."

James nodded, carefully helping Lily up. He actually thanked Merlin that Beka and Katie were there, for Beka came to silently support Lily's other side as they walked the now terrified girl out of the Hall and back upstairs

---------------------------------

Meanwhile, Sirius and Remus had cornered Connor in a seldom used classroom not far off the Entrance Hall. He threw the first punch at Remus but both boys were quick to subdue him with a couple well-placed attacks.

"We have a bone to pick with you," Sirius said, as if they were having a regular conversation.

"Yes. You see, for a few months now, Lily has been like a sister to us. So imagine our…"

"Outrage," Sirius supplied.

"That's it, outrage, when she'd walk into her common room beaten and bloody," Remus continued, watching as Sirius hoisted Rob off the floor.

"Or when we walked in to find her tied up and you forcing yourself on her," Sirius added before throwing another punch into his gut. Rob moaned pitifully but Sirius ignored him, giving him a brutal uppercut to the jaw. Satisfactorily, both boys heard a bone crack.

"That was not impressive, Peters," Remus agreed.

"Now, here's the deal," Sirius said, shoving the ass against the wall. "You're going to stay way from Lily." His nose was bleeding, his jaw cracked, if not broken but it didn't seem to faze him.

"You and what army?" he ground out, a sick sadistic smile on his face. It was Remus' turn to get into his face.

"You've done something to Lily Evans that is beyond disgusting. Us and what army? Us and the entire school." Sirius and Remus turned and left, ignoring the fact that they were leaving him in an empty classroom, returning to the Great Hall in time to see James and Holly walking Lily out of the doors. Stella and Hayley trailed behind, worry evident on their faces. The girls exchanged a look and dropped back, meeting Sirius and Remus.

"Did you castrate him?" Beka asked. Sirius shook his head regretfully.

"Maybe next time," he answered solemnly.

"I get first dibs," Beka countered seriously holding out her hand.

Sirius grinned ferally as they shook on the deal. "If you can get to him first."

* * *

**_Finally! _**

**_Trust me, I'm breathing out a sigh of relief too, LOL. I'm working on Okay now for those of you reading both stories. I should have time to crank out another few chapters in the next few days. Along with my other stories, but that's another story entirely. _**

**_Anyway, I hope this is up to usual standard. It became 1500 words before I realized it. _**

**_Thanks in advance for reviews! _**

* * *


	10. Chapter 8: Blur

**Blur**

"I can't get her alone," Conner explained pitifully, his eyes fixed on the stones in front of him. One never looked the Dark Lord in the eye, not if they wanted to keep all of their limbs and brain cells.

"Excuses!"

Connor whimpered. "I have done everything!"

A sly smile passed over the reptilian face. "Not everything?"

Connor chanced a look upward. "My Lord?"

"Tell me, Peters, did she talk about her family at all?"

"Only all the time," Connor answered, trying not to shiver at the seemingly-pleasant tone.

"Perfect."

* * *

After her reaction in the Great Hall, Lily found herself with a dark-haired, hazel-eyed shadow. It was rare that one was found without the other and Lily didn't object. The only place she felt safe alone was her own common room, where either she or James changed the password almost daily. Nevertheless, school continued on around them and with it, came the final Hogsmeade weekend before the Christmas holidays.

"Beka and Katie will be with me the whole time," Lily argued vehemently. She was annoyed, and for good reason. As much as she appreciated James being so overprotective, there were things she was always much better off to do with her girlfriends. She understood why they suffocated her, she really did, for it seemed that Connor stalked her taking every spare moment she wasn't surrounded to destroy all of the emotional healing she'd managed.

"Lily," James pleaded. "Just let me come with you."

But Lily was adamant. "No. I have my friends, James. We're all good witches. You know as well as I do I'm the top witch of our year."

And really, James didn't have another argument for that. His shoulders slumped in defeat. "Fine."

Lily squealed and wrapped her arms around his neck happily. James felt his heart melt, something that had been occurring more and more often with the redhead. James still had his little moments with women, but they had been fewer and farther between since things with Lily had changed so drastically. He knew that Lily was the only woman he was truly genuine around, the only women he didn't bother to play confident in-control James Potter with.

He hugged her back fiercely before pushing her to arms' length. "But understand this, Lily Tinkerbell Evans," he said, using her nickname as her middle name in playfulness. "Be extra careful out there, okay? No alleyways, no short cuts. You stay to the main road and if you are so much as one minute late to the Three Broomsticks, I'm sending out a search party for you."

Her own face was serious as she nodded, then happily linked arms with him as they made their way down to the Entrance Hall. She waved merrily as the boys and girls went their separate ways before turning to her mission of the day:

Finding James a Christmas present.

"You're getting him a gift?" Beka asked as the three girls wandered the main streets, just enjoying their time together. It was surprisingly rare that the three of them had a chance to just be, and they were planning on taking advantage of every single moment.

"Well of course I am," Lily answered, "With everything he's done… He's been the greatest."

Beka and Katie exchanged a glance. They'd talked about how James and Lily's relationship was changing and blossoming. Both were worried that in the end, Lily would be the one hurt.

"Lil," Beka began slowly, "You know he hasn't changed, right?"

Lily knit her brow. "What do you mean?"

"He still uses girls and throws them out like trash," Beka answered bluntly.

The redhead shot her friend a confused look. "I live with him," she reminded both of her friends. "I know about the proverbial revolving door." Then she shrugged. "But I'm not dating him." She ignored the sudden stab in her heart and stomach at the thought. James was her knight in shining armour, not her happily ever after. And she had to keep telling herself that.

"We just worry, Lil," Katie said softly. "We don't want you to get hurt."

Lily just smiled tightly as they wandered into another store.

Meanwhile, the boys browsed Zonko's, looking for inspiration for their next prank.

"So James, what are you doing tonight?" Sirius asked

James shrugged. "Up to Tink. I'll see what she's doing and go from there."

Remus and Sirius exchanged a look. "You've been spending a lot of time with her," Remus said, picking up Sirius' line of questioning.

"It's what happens after a traumatic event," he said snappishly. James didn't enjoy being reminded of what had happened to Lily, especially since he felt partially responsible for it. She couldn't fall asleep without him beside her. While it was normal routine, he worried about how much of a habit it had become. Often times, he couldn't even nap without being able to smell Lily.

And she wasn't even his.

* * *

Beka, Katie and Lily grinned at each other as Beka counted out the change she needed to buy her brother's Christmas present. All three of them had thoroughly enjoyed their time together, and even more so their time for being just girls.

Beka and Katie linked arms as they giggled and headed out. Katie looked at her watch. "Lil, it's 11:45, we're going to be…" She trailed off, looking behind her and catching no glimpse of red hair. "Where did she go?"

Beka looked around frantically. She couldn't see any glimpse of Lily anywhere.

"James is going to kill us," Katie groaned.

Beka knew what was coming next. Katie was predictable in her methods of panic. She grabbed Katie's shoulders and shook her. "Take a breath! She has to be around here somewhere."

Katie took Beka's advice, making sure to inhale and exhale carefully.

"Who has to be where?"

Both girls froze as Sirius' voice, turning with tight smiles to face all three Marauders. "No one," Katie said, her voice two octaves higher than usual.

James looked between them, then around them. "Where's Lily?"

Beka sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. "She's gone."

"She what?"

Katie took up the explanation, her voice the normal panic level that came with intense fear. "She was right behind us as we were leaving, I swear she was. Then I turned to tell her we had to go to the Three Broomsticks and she was gone."

"Who was gone?"

James launched himself through Katie and Beka to wrap Lily in a tight embrace.

"Air! Air! Becoming an issue."

Beka had been calm through the whole thing, but Lily's obliviousness to the panic they'd gone through pushed her buttons. "Damn it, Lily, you had us all scared to death! We didn't know where you were, we didn't know if someone had taken you-"

"I'm not a damned child!" Beka had been the straw to break the camel's back and Lily looked just as infuriated as her brunette counterpart. "I get where you guys are coming from, I really do, but I _can_ take care of myself. I did it for upwards of ten years until-"

"You got raped." James's voice was quiet, but firm enough to stun them all. He met Lily's eyes. "I'm sorry for caring."

Lily sucked in a startled breath at the harshness of his tone and the intensity of his eyes. "What?"

"That's what this is all about. Don't you get it?" James snapped. "You're right, you can take care of yourself, but _what if it happens again_?" Therein lay the crux of the matter. There had never been a doubt in anyone's mind that Lily could take care of herself on any normal day, in any normal situation, but James had seen Lily at her worst and he knew what sometimes even a simple touch or sound could do.

Lily blinked, stunned. She'd been so focused on getting over it, on moving on, that she hadn't really stopped to think that Connor was still out there and he could do it all again. Not to mention the growing Dark Lord _The Daily Prophet_ had been reporting about recently.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly, looking earnestly into James' eyes. "I shouldn't have gone off like that. And I should have mentioned to Katie and Beka that I'd seen something, something that was so _you_ I had to get it for you for Christmas. Forgive me? Please?"

James had known he would before she'd even asked. She had him wrapped around her finger and she didn't even have the slightest idea. "Don't do it again, okay?"

Lily nodded sincerely. She threw herself into his open arms hugging him tightly. "Come on," she said pulling back. "Let's go. My nose is frozen and I could use a good Butterbeer."

James wrapped his arm around her waist with a huge grin. "One Butterbeer, coming up, m'lady." He grinned wider when she giggled and rested her head on his shoulder.

To anyone walking, they would have seemed the perfect couple, totally and completely in love. For both of them, it was getting harder and harder to see where the line of friendship and love started and ended. Everything was beginning to blur.

_04-20-2008_

* * *

**_I would first like to apologize for this taking a month and a half. A few things got in the way, mainly finals and papers, but a side-order of another plot bunny that was hanging on for dear life. But! I have succeeded in getting a new chapter done! My diagnosis? A lack of reading can be fatal to inspiration for writing. I've read 3 books since I've been home (6 days, I head back to school tomorrow) and it has resulted in many an inspiration. _**

**_Hope you guys enjoyed!_**


	11. Chapter 9: More Than Ever

**More Than Ever**

Christmas loomed closer and Lily found her heart rate speeding up every time she looked at the calendar. She loved Hogwarts, and loved it dearly, but she missed her parents more. She got used to not seeing them as she went through the years, but it never lessened the feeling of excitement flooding her system when she knew Christmas was coming around. She was even humming to herself as she thought about packing all of her things up to get them home.

It was three weeks before the holiday break. Lily was counting down the days until she saw her parents again, until she had the chance to eat her mother's homemade cookies and catch up on all of the football games with her dad. James just laughed at her in all of her happy glory. He found the humming adorable and seemed just as excited about going home to his parents as she did.

They were playing wizard's chess in the common room after finishing the day's homework when a knock sounded on the portrait hole. Out of habit, Lily stiffened and James felt himself tense up too. A second later, the portrait opened of it's own accord and the headmaster stepped in.

"Ah, I'm glad you are both here," he said seriously. "There is some unfortunate news."

The words had Lily automatically moving around the table to sit on the couch beside James, her hand subconsciously finding his and squeezing tightly. James too was nervous about what news the headmaster was bringing.

"Miss Evans, Lily, I'm afraid your parents are gone."

Lily blinked, her automatic response denial. "Gone where? And they'll be back for Christmas, sir, they never miss a Christmas."

James was already disengaging his hand from hers to wrap his arms around her more fully.

Dumbledore smiled indulgently. "I wish it was that easy, my dear. Their bodies were found this morning in the remnants of your house."

James knew what that meant, even as he adjusted around Lily. The redhead had all but crawled into his lap by this point. "The Dark Mark, sir?"

"Floating above the wreckage," Dumbledore said softly. "I'm afraid Voldemort killed your parents."

Lily had no idea how to react. Dead? Her parents were dead? "But, sir, I don't understand. I didn't… No one knew…" Then it hit her and hit her hard. There was only one person who knew where her parents lived, the only person she'd ever told – Beka and Katie aside and Lily knew they'd never portray her confidence – and by this point, she wouldn't put it past him to tell one of her best kept secrets.

Dumbledore knew Lily had been protective of her parents' whereabouts. It was unfortunately commonplace in Hogwarts, the muggleborns too aware of the dangers Voldemort posed to share too much of their personal lives with people they did not trust unconditionally. He watched the young redhead take a breath, surprised that she hadn't broken down.

"Why?" she managed, forcing the tears back. "Why them?"

"There are many potential reasons," Dumbledore told her softly. "But we believe we have narrowed it down to one."

James was on the edge of his seat. While he knew Voldemort killed muggles for sport, he also knew he didn't target families of witches or wizards without good cause. Torturing muggles was one thing, but taking on the family of a witch or wizard often lost him leverage he needed to manipulate those with the potential of becoming Death Eaters. Or at least luring muggleborns towards their deaths.

"Miss Evans, have you ever found yourself pulled towards someone in pain, someone dying? Have you ever found yourself drawn to those that cannot take care of themselves?"

Lily could remember a few times where she had come across an unfortunate animal or a screaming child, not really understanding why or how it had come about. "I don't understand…"

"You, my dear, are not just an ordinary girl, nor are you an ordinary witch."

"Professor?" Even James was royally confused. It sounded like Dumbledore was talking in circles and he hadn't even started yet. "With all due respect, can you cut to the chase?"

"Miss Evans, has a very specific power, Mr Potter. It is magic that has not been seen for generations."

Lily shook her head. This was all just too much to process. "What do you mean? And how do you know I even have it if it hasn't been seen for generations?"

"I have seen you use it, my dear," Dumbledore answered. "You have a gift for healing, Miss Evans, am I correct?"

Lily blinked. She'd always had some sort of innate ability for picking up healing spells and all kinds of remedies. "I'm a quick study professor…"

"You are so much more than that," Dumbledore responded. "This is a gift, Lily."

"What kind of gift?" James asked, very used to the headmaster's circle speech. "She has an innate healing ability, that's prevalent in most of the healers at St Mungo's. How is Lily different?"

"Her power goes beyond that healing capacity. Miss Evans, you have the power to bring people back from the dead."

Lily froze. "Then I can bring my parents back?"

Hope shone in her eyes and Dumbledore felt his heart constrict. "I'm afraid not. Your parents have been killed by a trained and stronger magic than you currently possess. Voldemort's power comes from his concentrated hatred for everything muggle."

Tears sprung to Lily's eyes again, her heart breaking and hope fading. "Then why tell me this?"

"Because it's why Voldemort wants you. Or wants you dead."

Lily sat stunned. She hadn't even thought about the implications. She hadn't thought about anything past the fact that she had a power she didn't understand and she didn't have her parents.

James tightened his hold marginally, succeeding in his attempt to shift Lily's focus. "It makes sense, Tink," he said softly. "Voldemort doesn't kill parents of muggleborns for any old reason. He has a plan, he has a method, and I'd bet his goal was to get to you."

That did very little to assuage Lily's feelings. If anything, it only strengthened her feelings of guilt. Her parents had died because she was a witch. Not matter which way she looked at it, it was always going to turn out that way in the end. They were always going to be dead because she'd agreed to go to Hogwarts.

_Petunia was right,_ Lily thought as the tears finally came. _I am a freak._

James was unsure as to what set her off, but part of him was glad she'd finally broken down into body-shaking sobs. He looked to the headmaster, both of them afraid for the young woman who had just had the world dropped on her shoulders. The headmaster rose slowly to his feet.

"I will inform your teachers of your absence from class," he said softly, just loud enough for James to hear over Lily's sobs. "Keep an eye on her, Mr Potter. She's going to need you now more than ever."

And in true Dumbledore fashion, his cryptic words echoed as he left.

_05-02-2008_

* * *

_**Now we get into the changes, thank goodness. This'll hopefully give you more of an idea of why Lily is so wanted, especially now when she's easily manipulated. I mean, she just lost her parents and, in theory, she does have the ability to bring them back. The question becomes what is the right price for Lily's loyalty? James? Her parents? Her training?**_


	12. Chapter 10: Not Alone

**Not Alone**

James hated seeing Lily in a funk. He'd gotten semi-used to the moping nature and odd times when she'd wander off into her own world, but he wasn't a big fan of it. The worst part was he didn't know what to do to help her out of it. And this was no different.

It was understandable that the once-vibrant redhead would fall into a depression following the death of her parents, and he didn't fault her for that. However, he did fault her for this new-found inability to move on. This was the girl that had forged on after being assaulted. This was the girl that had gone down to face the entire school the morning after The Incident.

And he didn't know what to do to cheer her up.

More than anything he wanted to give her something to look forward to for the Christmas holidays. He wanted to see her smile again, wanted to hear her humming Christmas carols under her breath as they patrolled, see her gleefully throwing clothes into her trunk as she packed in preparation. Then an idea hit him and before he could second guess himself or think twice about her reaction he was striding down the length of the Gryffindor table, sitting down beside Lily.

"Come home with me for Christmas."

Lily blinked, her mind working slower because of the nightmares that haunted her. "What?"

"My parents would love to have you." They were speaking in hushed tones and both were thankful for it. He'd drawn a number of eyes on his journey to her.

"But…"

"You can't spend Christmas by yourself," James said solemnly. "Not a chance." _You can barely spend a night by yourself._

"James, there's no way-"

"Of course there is. You don't give yourself a lot of credit, love."

"I couldn't intrude-"

"It's no intrusion," he promised. "Sirius'll be there anyway, one more person won't phase Mum a bit. And she's been dying to meet you."

"I'm not going to be any fun," Lily argued.

_You're not letting yourself,_ he thought to himself. "Buck up, Tink," James said softly, nudging her elbow with his. "You're not alone in this."

She looked up at him, tears shining in her eyes. "You mean that?"

He'd tell her anything just to keep that spark of hope in her eyes. It had gone missing after her parents' death – understandably so – but he was so happy to see it back. "Of course I mean it. Every step of the way."

Lily nodded. Then she looked up at him. "I'll think about it."

The week wore on and James tried everything he could think of to get Lily to smile. It was a daunting task, one that was starting to grate on his nerves. Even Sirius and Remus had stepped in to give him a hand. He'd tried everything, down to trying to put himself in her shoes, to try and understand the emotions she was dealing with to help her work through them. But it didn't work.

And she still hadn't given him an answer about Christmas. To her credit, he hadn't asked her about it again, hadn't bothered her about it or even pestered her for an answer. If there was one thing he learned about Lily it was that she went at her own pace and did things her own way. She would take her time, and he knew it. But his mother was asking about her, and he had to give her an answer soon.

So later that week, at dinner, Lily sitting down the table from him with Beka and Katie, he called out to her. "Hey Lily!"

Lily turned, an expectant and slightly exasperated look in her eyes. James had been trying all day to cheer her up, to get a smile out of her, and it was starting to drive her nuts. "What James?"

He had to think fast. "Mum wants to know if Tink's coming for Christmas."

The whole idea had slipped Lily's mind and since he hadn't asked again, she figured it was a one-time offer that she'd turned down. But she'd been wrong. He was really serious about her staying with the Potter's for Christmas and it touched her heart in ways she wasn't sure she wanted it to. Nevertheless, she felt that smile he'd been aiming for tilt up the corners of her mouth. "Tell her yes, Tink'll be there. But only if her bloody son stops asking!"

Katie and Beka exchanged a glance.

"What made you change your mind, Lil?" Beka asked as she watched James take his seat again, smile like the cat that caught the canary. "A couple days ago you were adamant about not going."

Katie and Beka had stopped walking on eggshells around Lily. Not only did it drive them both nuts, they were Lily's best friends. If they couldn't tell the redhead like they saw it, who was going to? It wasn't that they weren't worried about her, but more that they knew Lily could take care of herself under most circumstances. There was no point in putting extra effort in when she would fight back.

Lily sucked in a deep breath. "I had a lot of time to think about things last night," she said. The fact that it was because her nightmares kept her awake went unsaid. "Something James said a while back hit me. He's right. I can mourn my parents – I _should_ mourn my parents – but they would be so angry with me if I let that control my life. And I can't go home, Petunia hates me."

"You can come home with me," Beka offered. Still, even as the words slipped out of her mouth, she knew Lily would turn them down. There was something stronger between Lily and James and Beka had an inkling that it had everything to do with the fact that James was Lily's White Knight. Or at least that played a large role.

Lily smiled gratefully. "Thanks, Bek, but it's okay. I promise James and I won't kill each other."

Katie chuckled. "You'd better not. Do you know how much we could make selling tickets to you beating on Potter?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Thanks, Katie. Thanks."

_05-03-2008_

* * *

_**I had the inspiration, and this is what happened. Another set up chapter, for which I apologize.**_

_**And going back, because there wasn't a way to reply: AnitaPotter - I wasn't aware JK said no one could be brought back from the dead with magic. Though it makes things a lot easier for me in the long run. And I'd never meant for Lil to actually bring someone back from the dead. On the contrary, that's just the rumour of the whole thing. It's more that she can heal anyone and anything, no matter how broken and battered and destroyed. **_

_**Thanks for reviewing the last chapter. And it was fun to know I could update so fast! laughs**_


	13. Chapter 11: Nona

**Nona**

If Lily had been nervous getting off the train at King's Cross, she was outright terrified now. Since her assault she hadn't done well around new people. She'd done her best to hide it and succeeded spectacularly, but this was a different story all together. She was about to meet James' family. His bloody _family_.

"Breathe," James coached from beside her. "They don't bite at all. Sirius stays here all the time."

Lily raised an ironic eyebrow. "And that's supposed to comfort me?"

"Think of it this way, Tink," Sirius offered, all but bouncing in his seat. "If they can deal with me, there's no question they'll be more than happy to have you."

Lily tried to breathe, she really did. It had been a whirlwind since she'd stepped off at King's Cross. James had been all but attacked by two house elves, notifying him that both of his parents were unfortunately indisposed and unable to come and get him. In their place, they'd sent the house elves to ensure that they made it back to Potter Mansion without trouble.

And then came the house. Lily had always known James was well-off, but she'd never imagined the house she saw when the whirling of the portkey stopped. It was a gorgeous place, definitely a mansion, with sprawling lawns covered in a white layer of snow. The thing that almost shocked Lily the most was the welcoming atmosphere of the house. She'd always though mansions weren't homely, but James' house was the exact opposite of what she expected. It radiated a strange feeling of safety and security and Lily's fears about accidentally getting lost in a wing diminished slightly.

A tugging on her hand had her stumbling a few steps. "You can admire later," James suggested, his breath floating out in a cloud of steam. "I need to get inside before I freeze!"

Lily followed behind as James and Sirius raced each other up the front steps. Where they got that much energy she'd never fully understand, but it was amusing nonetheless. And it took part of her mind off of what she was about to do. James threw open the front doors without any preamble.

"HA! I won!" he exclaimed, spinning with a glint of triumph in his eyes.

Sirius rolled his eyes as he tried to catch his breath. Lily knew to cover her ears when he took in a gasping breath.

"We're here!"

James, on the other hand, hadn't been so smart and cringed at Sirius' volume. Then he smiled sheepishly at Lily as she closed the front doors. "Sorry."

She raised an eyebrow, coming to stand beside him. "Why are you apologizing to me? I remembered to cover my ears."

"Sirius Black, I'm old not deaf!" The snapping voice belonged to a formidable looking woman, old and slightly round, but the annoyed look on her face made her look a little less than kind. However, her entire demeanour shifted when she caught sight of James.

"My Jamie," she said affectionately, opening her arms.

James gave her a massive bear hug, lifting the short woman off the ground. "Mum didn't mention you were coming," he said, a huge grin plastered on his face.

"And where is the surprise in that?"

"Why would you come back to freezing England from balmy Spain? It couldn't be just to see little old me, now, could it?"

The woman pursed her lips and shook her ladle at James. "You are my favourite grandson, but Alison mentioned you were bringing someone home. Is this her? Jamie, she's beautiful!"

Lily found herself blushing shyly under the praise, even if James was still beaming.

"Nona, this is Lily. Tink, my Nona, Elizabeth Potter," James introduced.

"Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Potter." Lily said politely, holding out her hand.

But Nona would have none of it and pulled Lily into a tight hug like she had James. "No formalities. It's Nona, just like the boys."

Lily felt her eyes misting over at the familiarity of it all. She glanced to James as his palm made contact with her lower back. It was a reassuring presence.

Sirius seemed to sense the serious mood. "What am I? Chopped liver?" he asked indignantly.

Nona clucked her tongue and waved a finger at him. "Sirius Black! First you yell, rattling the whole house, then you need to be the centre of attention!"

Sirius paid the scolding no mind and hauled the woman up in his own bear hug. The string of Spanish swear words – that had Lily blushing, for she'd taken the language in her younger days and spoke it fluently – also went unacknowledged.

James paid both of them no heed, his attention focused solely on Lily. He wanted to give her the best holiday he could. He'd known there was the possibility of the issue of family and he'd been prepared for her to be afraid and nervous, but he hadn't accounted for tears and the overwhelming look of sadness in her eyes.

"Nona, Sirius and I are going to take Tink upstairs and get settled," James decided. It was the only way he could think of to gracefully remove her from the situation. Her parents' death was still fresh in her mind. She looked like she could use the reprieve. He wrapped an arm around her waist.

"Your parents will be home soon. I'm cooking," Nona told them as she headed back to the kitchen.

Sirius and James gave Lily the general tour of the upstairs as they made their way to the back end of the house.

"Sirius is staying here, my room's to the left of his, across from yours," James said, waving absently to doors as they went before stopping in front of one. "This, is your room."

Lily tried to hold her jaw in check as she took in the room. The walls were a rich green, all of the wood stained dark to blend perfectly with the ivory carpet and linens. Forrest green curtains were tied back from the floor to ceiling windows with white ribbon allowing the late morning sunlight to flood the room.

She had to resist the urge to just flop onto the gorgeous four-poster bed but instead contented herself with wandering about the room, staring in awe at everything her eyes could take in. One door of four led to a balcony overlooking the Potters' spacious backyard, complete with what would be sprawling gardens. Another gave way to a bathroom and the third, a small walk in closet. The final door gave way to a study with wall to wall shelves.

"James, this is amazing," she whispered, afraid the quiet and tranquility would break if she spoke too loud. She pulled him into a tight hug, the only way she could think to show her gratitude.

"You are more than welcome, Love," James replied softly. He pulled back reluctantly. "Sirius and I are going to meander to our own rooms. You're okay on your own until then?"

Lily nodded and let him go completely. He closed the bedroom door behind him, leaving Lily all alone in her new sanctuary. She gave a twirl and an awed smile before flopping down on to her bed.

* * *

**_It was originally one chapter, now it's 2! If my school doesn't try to screw me again, the next one should be finish in the next two days or so. _**

**_For those of you who don't know or don't remember, Christmas is a bit fluffy. Then we'll get back for more of the drama. Actually, now that I think about it, that's probably not exactly true..._**


	14. Chapter 12: Stay Strong, Breakdown

**Stay Strong, Breakdown**

She let her mind wander wherever it wanted to go, settling on random things until, finally, Lily started to think about Christmas. Like every other holiday, her parents often went all out for the Christmas season. Lily had whined and complained about the excessive decoration and how she couldn't seem to walk anywhere in the house without tripping over a sprig of holly or one of the endless garlands her mother spread around the house.

Most importantly, Christmas was a family holiday and no matter how much Lily complained, the traditions that she whined about the most were also her favourite. It was the one time of the year Lily and Petunia always put aside their differences – to the best of their abilities – for their parents. She took a shaky breath, only slightly surprised by the tears rolling down her face. She hadn't even realized they'd started.

It wasn't easy. She appreciated what James was trying to do, and she didn't really want to be alone for Christmas, but he had his family. It was hard for her to see how warmly he'd been greeted and to think that she wasn't going to feel her mother's arms around her ever again. The sobs started coming in earnest, so much so that she jumped when she felt the bed shift under someone else's weight.

"Tink?" James' hand was gentle as he brush hair away from her forehead, brushing down her cheeks to brush the tears slipping down her cheeks. "What's wrong, Love?"

Lily sniffled, trying to get control over her emotions again. She hadn't meant to let herself go like that. She stayed stiff as a board when James stretched out beside her and pulled her into his arms, but eventually she relaxed, clutching his shirt in her shaking hands. Slowly she pulled herself back together, quieting to sniffles.

James knew she'd talk when she was ready. It was Lily's way. "Ready to head down to dinner?" he whispered, trying to change her focus.

She pushed away slightly, lightly brushing against the wet spot she'd left on his shoulder. "I got your shirt wet."

"S'okay. I've got more in my closet. Ready for dinner?"

With a deep, if shaky breath, Lily nodded, pushing herself all the way out of James' arms so she could get up and head to the bathroom. She had not been blessed with a complexion that didn't swell and puff when she cried, but it was nothing a little cold water couldn't fix.

James sat on the edge of her bed, listening to the water run and Lily's still shaky breathing. "Everything okay, Tink?" he asked again, concern soaking his voice.

"Fine," she said weakly. "Memory lane caught up with me."

He'd honestly expected her to break down earlier than this and had been deeply disturbed by the strength with which she carried herself through the halls of Hogwarts. He felt a little relieved that she had. "I'm worried," he admitted.

She smiled at him as she made her way to her trunk, but even she knew the expression didn't meet her eyes. "That's sweet, James, but I'll be fine. It's my first Christmas without my parents, that's all."

That fact hadn't really slipped his mind. He made a mental note to keep a closer eye on her anyway. "If you're sure."

"I'm sure." But her voice was still soft and weak and betrayed her uncertainty. How did one go about life without her parents? "What's dinner's dress code?"

"Muggle clothes," he answered, watching her rifle through her clothes.

"That's not much help," she snapped.

"No need to get snappy," he said soothingly. "Jeans are fine."

"Blouse or sweater."

"Either."

"James," Lily growled. Her patience was thin, her emotional state unstable – not that it was much of a change from her usual emotional state – and he was being vague and frustrating.

"Hey, breathe," he said gently, making her jump when he spoke close to her ear and settled a hand on her back. He smiled apologetically. "Sorry."

She watched as he regarded her now-messy trunk withdrawing the pair of jeans he knew to be her favourite handing them to her. "You're pulling away from me, Tink," he said turning back to let his eyes wander over her trunk again.

Lily looked at his back like he'd grown a new set of heads.

"You've had a rough term, I know that, and I can't begin to try and understand what you're going through nor am I going to pretend I can. But I want to stand beside you, be there for you, support you, remind you you're not alone in this. I can't do it without your help though, Tink. I need you to talk to me, to help me understand what you're going through and what it's like."

Lily felt tears well in her eyes again. This wasn't the James Potter she'd hated with such a passion and he hadn't been that James for a while. "I'm not pulling away," she denied.

He smiled slightly as he bent over to pull out a fuzzy green sweater he knew she loved and he definitely loved on her. He held it out to her. "Sure you are, but I get it. I just want you to know that I am here for you, Lil. Change, I'll wait."

Lily took the sweater, unsure of how to respond to that. She didn't know she was pulling away, didn't think she was pulling away in the slightest. On the contrary, she was simply trying to process, trying to make sense of the things that had happened to her and trying to deal with the murder of her parents. Was time too much to ask for?

It didn't take her long to change, and true to his word, James was standing by the door, waiting for her. She chewed on her bottom lip as he smiled at her.

"Hey there, Gorgeous."

She blushed bright red. "I've never known you to be late to a meal," she teased with a raised eyebrow, feeling an odd rush of security wash over her as he took her hand to lead her down out of her room and down the stairs. Snow blustered in as they hit the main floor, followed by a man and a woman.

"Come now, Allison, it's just a little bit of snow," the man cajoled.

Allison shook herself off, battering her gloves off on the man's arm. "Just a little bit of snow? Harold, I have snow in places snow shouldn't be! I told you we should have flooed home."

"And miss James' welcome home dinner? Those lines were enormous."

"It would have been better than landing in a snow back. You should have let me do the guiding."

Lily looked up to James to find him smiling. He winked at her as he cleared her throat. Both newcomers looked up. Almost immediately, Allison broke into a large smile. "James! There you are!"

Lily watched as he was gathered tightly in the woman's arms, stifling her giggles as snow rubbed off on him. She obediently helped him brush it off his back when she let him go.

"Thanks, Mum," James said sarcastically as he shivered.

"Blame your father, dear, he was the one that _insisted_ we apparate home. Well, you know how the floo network is at rush hour."

Meanwhile, Harold had managed to get most of his wet clothing off and held out a hand for James. They hugged briefly. "Toughening up there, m'boy? Quidditch season is over."

"Quidditch season is never over," James responded cheekily, taking Lily's warm hand in his own. It was as much for her reassurance as it was for his. "Mum, Dad, meet Lily."

"Well aren't you pretty," Harold Potter exclaimed immediately. "And you say she's just a friend, James?"

James could have melted into the floor and only hoped his mother wasn't going to embarrass him too. "I'm sure, Dad."

He was lucky. All Allison did was send her son a significant look. "It's a pleasure to meet you, my dear. I'm sorry to hear about your parents. How are you holding up?"

Once again, Lily's smile didn't reach her eyes. "Coping."

Allison's smile was encouraging and she reached out to squeeze Lily's hand. "Come now. I'm sure Nona has a virtual feast prepared."

"Did someone say food?"

"Well there you are Sirius! I was wondering if you'd gotten lost!"

"Not possible, Aunt P. I know this place better than Jamesie."

James glared. "Thanks, Padfoot."

Sirius waved a dismissive hand. "Someone mentioned food."

"Of course, let us not stand in the way of the stomach of Sirius Black," Allison conceded. "Will you lead the way, Mr Black?"

"Delightedly, Aunt P. Might I escort such a lovely lady to her dinner?"

Lily and James simply rolled their eyes at Sirius' antics and even Harold watched with amusement in his eyes, as if this was a regular occurrence to him as much as it was to Lily and James.

"You know Sirius," Harold said, heading off after his wife and the incorrigible teen. "He'll eat everything before we sit down. We'd better get in there."

Lily let James lead the way part of the hurt healing. Maybe this would be the best decision she could have made after all.

* * *

Later that night, after James had walked Lily upstairs, followed soon after by a pleasantly full Sirius, Allison and Harold were left alone in the sitting room while Nona oversaw the clean up of the kitchen.

"She's a pleasant girl," Harold said as they settle in front of the fire.

"She's a dear," Allison agreed with a smile. "Quiet, yes, but it's only to be expected after losing her parents like that. Are there any leads?"

"Unfortunately not. Dumbledore has a theory as to why the Evans' were a target, but nothing concrete."

"This is serious, isn't it Harold. Everything is falling apart."

"Now let's not be pessimistic, my dear. Good always triumphs over evil," Harold tried to reassure his wife. "We've got some of the best minds on our side."

Allison sighed. "I don't know if it will be enough."

"Of course it will."

"We've lost so many, Harold. How many more do we have to lose before we lose faith?"

"Now, now, Allison, don't go thinking like that. We have a whole new generation to teach the right things to. Maybe they can do better than we did."

"It's already starting for them Harold. This was the tip of the iceberg." Silence descended over them for a few minutes. Allison smiled fondly as she heard James talking to Harold's mother. "We're losing him," she said softly, her eyes on the crackling fire.

"Whatever do you mean, Love?" Harold asked, rubbing his hand over Allison's ankle, thankful for the change of subject. He dealt with the war every day, the last thing he wanted to talk about when he got home was the same thing.

"He's growing up."

"He's in love, you mean," he answered proudly. "Could you ask for a better woman?"

Allison liked Lily. She'd heard a lot about the redhead through James' many letters and though Lily had been quiet, the times she had spoken had been intelligent, surprisingly aware and insightful. Allison sometimes believed that Hogwarts protected children from the real world around them and everything that was happening in it, but it seemed Lily was very aware of the things happening outside of the world of Hogwarts.

Not only that, Allison had gotten a chance to observe her son with the young woman throughout dinner. It seemed like they knew what the other wanted before they had to ask for it. Instead of passing the green beans to Lily, a food apparently James knew she hated, he handed them over her head to Sirius, while Lily spooned a generous mound of mashed potatoes onto his plate. Lily had also put James in his place more than once, and though she looked at him like he was her hero, Allison recognized that it wasn't idol worship.

The final straw had been seeing James wheedle Lily until she agreed to go to bed. They balanced each other, challenged each other and matched each other. Allison would have been crazy to ask for anything better for her son. She sighed.

"Could you ask for a denser pair?"

Harold chuckled as he stood, taking her hand to guide her to stand. "Come, Love, let's head to bed."

* * *

**_Sweet moments, I hope. That was the goal. For now, that's what the theme will be, at least until they get back to Hogwarts, then all rules are null and void and, once again, Lily's in for a bit of a rough time. _**

**_Thanks to everyone that's reviewed! I love getting them, and I apologize for how long this took to get done!_**


	15. Chapter 13: Perfect Holiday

**Perfect Holiday**

Lily tried hard to be strong. She tried not to look at the shadows as they crawled across her room, but she couldn't keep the fear at bay. It was stupid, and she knew it. She shouldn't need James to fall asleep, shouldn't need anyone to keep her fears away, but it had been a highly unfortunate side-effect of her attack. Her latest nightmare now also involved her parents… As corpses.

She chewed on her lip as she watched the shadows playing games against the walls, the moonlight casting an eerie light on the furniture as it crept through the crack in her curtains. Finally, her heart beating in her throat, she leapt out of bed and scurried across the hall. Softly, she knocked on James' door, trying to hold herself together for that moment longer. He was rumpled when he opened the door, a side effect of his own tossing and turning as he chased the illusive sandman. She launched herself into his arms.

He stumbled slightly, his mind not fully coherent, but held her tight, absently soothing her whimpers with murmurs into her hair. She stopped shaking after a while, calming her trembling breathing. In a way, she was proud of herself, for she'd managed to keep herself from crying, regardless of the fact that she'd panicked.

"Hey," he said softly, pulling back to look at her. He was pleased to see the terror receding from her green eyes. It was that moment, Lily standing there, her face cupped in his palms, arms around his waist, that James knew he'd fallen irrevocably and head over heels in love with Lily Evans.

"Sorry about this," she said, bringing him back to her. Her voice was scratchy from the panic attack and she was still having a hard time swallowing.

He shook his head, telling her there was nothing to be sorry for. "Come on, you need to get some sleep," he said, pulling her gently towards his bed.

"Are you sure this is okay?"

"Are you going to sleep otherwise?"

Lily shook her head sheepishly, slapping his arm when he gave her a knowing smile. She followed him into the room, allowing him to pull down one side of the covers and tuck her in. He crawled in beside her moments later and she rolled over, fitting herself snugly to his side with an arm over his stomach and her head on his shoulder. One of his arms covered hers, the other slipping around her body to absently stroke the curve of her side.

Lily could feel herself being lulled to sleep by his scent and touch. She yawned. "'Night James."

"Goodnight, Tink."

* * *

Christmas morning dawned bright and cheery a few days later, long after Lily had become accustomed to the Potter house. Her night-time migration hadn't stopped. In fact, he'd even started leaving his door open a crack so she could sneak in. She hated doing it, and he knew it, but she knew he was proud of her for trying. What she didn't know was that while he was proud that she was finding her own again, it killed him to know soon she wouldn't need him.

The sun glinted off the sparkles of snow scattered about the grounds and through James' curtains to Lily's face. She scrunched up her face in annoyance as she woke, but it didn't take long for excitement to grasp her and wake her up fully. It surprised her that she was awake before him. When James was excited about something, he rarely ever slept peacefully. But, she didn't have to wait long. An irregular breath alerted her to his waking state. He stretched underneath her before looking down at her with a smile.

"Morning, Tink."

She smiled. "Happy Christmas James."

It was like igniting a spark and she watched in amusement as he tried to get out of bed, grab for his pants and pull her out all at the same time. She couldn't hold in her laughter when he ended up in a heap on the ground.

"Very nice, Tink," he grumbled as he picked himself up from the ground. "Very funny. Get up, c'mon. We have Christmas to celebrate."

With a playful smirk she burrowed further under the covers. "What if I want to stay here?"

James wasn't having any of it. "Now, Tink."

She really could have stayed in the warm, James-smelling bed for longer, but once the covers were viciously ripped away from her, she really didn't have much of a choice. She whined at the loss of heat, but James simply picked her up and carried her out of the room. Sirius and the rest of James' family were already gathered around the large Christmas tree in the sitting room, Sirius looking particularly disgruntled.

"What took you so long?" he asked.

"James forgot it was Christmas," Lily retorted promptly and found herself dropped unceremoniously into a nearby chair. She glared at James as he sauntered over to his parents.

"Happy Christmas, Mum, Dad," he said, kissing his mother's cheek. He did the same to Nona before settling at her feet. "Who gets to start?"

Lily finally turned her gaze to the tree and felt her jaw drop. There hadn't been any presents under the tree when she'd gone to bed the night before, but now there were piles upon piles of brightly wrapped gifts decorating the base. In fact, it looked like they were all colour-coded and sorted. "Oh my. You guys get a lot of gifts."

Allison laughed. "Even I don't spoil my son that much, dear. The white ones are yours." She'd gone out of her way in the days leading up to Christmas to find gifts for Lily. She wanted the redhead to be happy on Christmas and to feel like she belonged. She'd quizzed James on her likes, dislikes and clothing size, surprised when James patiently answered every question she threw at him. The look on Lily's face at that moment was worth every ounce of effort.

"For me?" Lily squeaked.

"Of course! We couldn't leave you out on Christmas." Allison had enjoyed having a girl to spoil for once.

Gratitude poured out of every pore of Lily's body. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet, dear. Wait until you see if you like them."

The secret look James sent his mother all but assured Lily she'd like every single gift under the tree. She jumped slightly when Sirius plopped one down on her lap.

"Well? Go ahead," he said with an impatient wave. "We don't have all day."

"You'll be waiting forever if I have to open my gifts first," she said, still mostly in shock and awe. The boys didn't need to be told twice and dug into their piles with vigour. Lily's piled up beside her chair as she took her time opening each one, admiring the gifts as they came into view. Even Beka and Katie had sent their gifts to the Potters' for Lily to open. Eventually, Lily and James were left with a gift each. Lily held hers out to James, smiling shyly.

"Happy Christmas," she said softly.

He smiled, trading the one she was holding for the one he was. "Happy Christmas," he echoed as he tore into the paper. What he pulled out of the wrapping was something he'd never seen before. It was Hogwarts castle, or, what looked like it, in a ball of glass.

Lily laughed at his confused expression and gently took it from him. "It's a snow globe," she explained as she shook it. White flakes that had settled at the bottom swirled around the ball, giving the scene the look of Hogwarts in the winter. She almost laughed at the child-like wonder in his eyes as he watched the 'snow' settle again. "I figured since Hogwarts is like your second home, I'd try and find a way to give you that. That way, there's always a piece of Hogwarts with you."

James rewarded her with the biggest grin she'd ever seen. "Thank you, Tink. I didn't know you'd picked up on all of that."

Lily blushed.

He set the globe to the side and looked at her expectantly. "Well? What are you waiting for, an invitation?"

Carefully, Lily pulled up the corners of the paper, trying to keep it in tact as much as possible. Inside, was an unmarked cardboard box. She opened the box carefully to withdraw bubble packaging. She sent James a mock glare. "Are you trying to drive me crazy?"

He grinned unrepentantly. "Keep going."

With a playful huff she hunted down the tape keeping the ends of the wrap together and gently slid the gift into her palm. It took her a few moments to recognize the figurine. She was a blond woman, eyes closed, holding out her hand as if to blow a kiss. The dress she was wearing was green, lightened by the glass. Her shoes were pompom slippers. A pair of wings sprouted out of her back, glass and clear.

It was Tinkerbell.

Lily gasped, tears welling in her eyes as the Potters looked on in confusion and Sirius simply smiled smugly. Lily looked at James in admiration and curiosity.

"How?"

James blushed. "Katie helped me find it," he explained carefully, slightly apprehensive at her tears.

"Thank you so much," she told him, voice choked with emotion. "I love it."

"I'm glad," he said, opening his arms for a hug. They held each other tight as Lily sniffled in happiness.

This was what Christmas was all about.


	16. Chapter 14: My Hero, My Lover, My Friend

**My Hero, My Lover, My Friend**

"Lily! Lily over here!"

Lily looked around for the person calling her name, waving at Beka and Katie as they poked their heads out of the windows of the train. "Happy New Year!"

Beka grinned, happy to see Lily looking refreshed and excited. "Same to you. Come on, we saved a compartment."

Lily let James and Sirius load her truck, though she rolled her eyes as she did, smiling at the Potters, who had accompanied them to King's Cross. She was surprised to find tears welling in her eyes. "Thank you so much for having me over the holidays. I really, really appreciate it." She couldn't actually find words to express how thankful she was.

"It's no problem," Allison assured her, pulling the younger woman into a tight hug. "You'll keep our boys in line? Make sure they don't get into too much trouble?"

Lily laughed. "I'll try," she promised, hugging back.

"And you!" Allison exclaimed as her son stepped off the train. "You take care of this one. Make sure she's eating right and sleeping-"

"And having fun," Harold chimed with a wink in Lily's direction.

"I will, Mum," James agreed, submitting to her hug.

"And for goodness sakes, James, _try_ to stay out of trouble?"

"Mum! I haven't been in trouble for ages."

Allison just smiled indulgently. "Doesn't that mean you're due? I'll keep an eye out for Dumbledore's owl."

James scowled at his mother as a giggling Lily pulled him onto the train. He let her pull him along to the compartment Beka and Katie had saved.

"How was Christmas?" Beka asked, her smile bright. Seeing Lily giggling and happy had been the best Christmas present she could have received. She'd been worried about Lily over the break.

"Absolutely necessary," Lily answered, unwittingly echoing Beka's thoughts.

What Lily had deliberately left out was the role that James played in that happiness. It was a constant war in her head. She found herself not so much thinking about her past but how James had affected her present. From time to time, she was disgusted by the fact that there were times she thought about what a future would be like with James Potter. After all, it hadn't been that long ago she'd gotten over loathing him. Furthermore, part of her mind argued that part of her feelings for him were simple hero worship. He had saved her from Connor and he'd been virtually 'saving' her since. He'd tried to protect her from it ever happening again.

Her heart vehemently argued against her mind. Lily found herself missing James when he wasn't around. She found her heart picking up speed when he called her Tink or flashed her that grin of his, and had to resist the urge to just melt when he used her given name. Moreover, while he used "sweetie" and "sweetheart" for his flavours – words that still made Lily shiver – endearments like "love" or "honey" were reserved for her and her alone.

"Assignments done?" Katie asked, watching the play of emotions across Lily's face. It hadn't been more than a minute or two, but Katie knew Lily and the questions Katie wanted to ask weren't appropriate for the current company.

Lily grinned. "Of course. You expected anything less?"

James watched Lily's interaction with Katie and Beka with the utmost joy. The holidays had been good for her. She'd healed a lot of leftover wounds from the first half of the year, and dulled the pain of not only her parents' death, but her sexual assault. Nevertheless, James wasn't stupid. All of Lily's healing had been done while away from Hogwarts and the memories that could float along with it. He was sure she'd have relapses when they got back to the school, but for now, he'd wallow in her happiness.

"And you, Potter?" Beka inquired politely. They weren't friends by any stretch of the imagination, but the Marauders, Beka and Katie had all come to an unwritten, unspoken agreement that hostilities be put aside for Lily. Not only that, but the Marauders had grown on the girls, though they'd never admit it.

James groaned playfully. "Lily wouldn't bloody well leave us alone. We _had_ to do them."

He'd unwittingly hit a thorn in Lily's side. It was difficult for the redhead to see herself as the friend of the Marauders and not some damsel they felt they needed to protect. Coupled on top of her thoughts of the moments before, James' remark stung more than it probably should have.

Katie and Beka exchanged a look, feeling the air in the compartment change. "Not a chance," Katie answered carefully.

Lily took a seat by the window, staring out onto the platform.

James looked at her in concern. "Tink? Everything okay?"

Lily's smile was tight and reflected in the window. "Fine," she said dully.

He put a hand on her shoulder. "I was just kidding. I don't mind you pestering us to do our work, Lil."

The redhead resisted the shiver, keeping her eyes focused on the heads still mulling about the platform. She needed distraction, needed him to leave to get her bearings back.

James sighed. "Sirius and I are off to find Remus. We'll be back later," he said quietly. He and Sirius left, heading down the hall.

Beka and Katie promptly turned to Lily. "What was that all about?"

Lily sighed. "Nothing."

"I didn't know you had Potter wrapped around your finger," Katie said carefully.

"I don't," Lily responded.

"Why do you sound so upset about it?" Beka asked. Sure there was an element of vulnerability to Lily at the moment, but they weren't going to be any help if they didn't understand the problem.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," Lily said carefully, not moving her eyes from the window. "At the beginning of the year I _hated_ him. Loathed him. Couldn't stand him. Now, because of one event, we're virtually inseparable."

"You bonded over trauma," Katie pointed out logically. "That kind of reaction is normal."

"I know that. What I don't understand is everything else. I miss him when he's not around. I can't even fall asleep by myself anymore! I can't stop my stomach from doing flip-flops when he calls me 'Tink', I can't keep from blushing when he does something sweet… I don't know what to do!"

Beka exchanged a worried glance with Katie. This was what they'd been worried about. "Sounds to me like you like him, Lily. Really like him," Katie said carefully.

Lily groaned and dropped her head against the cool glass of the window. There was silence for a few minutes before Lily brought up her worst insecurity. "Do I like him or am I just hero worshipping?" she asked softly.

Katie and Beka shrugged.

"I don't know Lil," Katie answered sympathetically. She wanted to help, but both she and Beka knew this was something Lily was going to have to straighten out for herself. And if this was more than just hero worship, there was a chance that whatever Lily decided could affect the rest of her life.

* * *

**_Kind of mediocre short. Under the 1500 minimum I usually give myself, but it was the perfect place to stop. Let me know what you think!_**


	17. Chapter 15: Captured

**Captured**

Voldemort sighed on his throne, eyeing the cloaked figures scurrying about the room. The mudblood Lily Evans was nowhere in sight and, if anything, from the news he'd heard she was feeling stronger than ever. He'd meant to break her, to make her vulnerable enough to bring her over to his side, to have rage overtake her to release the power he wanted so much.

And Connor Peters had been useless. He'd been brought to Voldemort and at the time, he'd thought it was like Christmas had come early. Peters was supposed to be his mole in the perfect part of Hogwarts, spying on Dumbledore, keeping a close eye on the pure blood families that insisted on cavorting with the dirty bastard children of muggles.

Well, he knew it wasn't totally true. It was that blasted Potter that had rebuilt the mudblood's confidence. If it hadn't been for James Potter, Voldemort knew that Lily Evans would be much closer to their clutches by now. He'd thought that killing her parents were going to be the perfect straw that would break her. Then he would step in, telling her he could teach her how to bring her parents back and then he'd be the 'hero' in her twisted world. But Potter had changed everything.

So he had to come up with a new plan.

And when Peters walked in, looking terrified but highly apologetic, he felt an idea forming. Maybe he could punish Peters and get Evans at the same time…

"Mr Peters. I have a job for you."

* * *

It didn't take long before Lily was once again confident in the stone hallways of Hogwarts. She'd hadn't seen Connor Peters in six weeks, since she'd returned to school, and she had to admit, she was much calmer. She sat with James in the common room of their Head's Dormitories working on her transfiguration essay. Suddenly, James looked up.

"Hey Tink?"

"Mmhmm?" she replied, jotting a note from her transfiguration textbook down on the scrap piece of paper that was her essay outline.

"I can't patrol with you tonight," he told her carefully.

Lily looked up and blinked. "Okay." Then she went back to work.

James was worried, almost terrified, to leave her to patrol alone. "Tink, are you sure?"

The redhead smiled slightly, setting down her quill. "Of course I am. I can't expect you to baby-sit me forever." She knew there was more confidence in her voice than she was really feeling. "Why not? Tina?"

There wasn't a trace of condescension in her voice but he took offence anyway. "It was Tracy. And I don't consider spending time with you babysitting."

Lily looked properly scolded. "Sorry. Going out with Tracy?"

That definitely had more bitterness in it and James didn't understand. She was telling him she didn't need to be baby-sat – not like he thought he was doing that to begin with – and yet she was bitter that he was going to see a girl? What had brought the bitterness on?" "No, I'm not. Tink, what's wrong?"

Lily sighed, trying to get her temper back under control. She'd been snapping at people all day and it was driving her crazy and making her even more irritated. "Nothing." It wasn't fair to him to tell him about the conversations she'd had with her friends and it wasn't fair to her friends to spill the contents of their private conversations. And there was no way she was going to tell him that part of her frustration stemmed from her lack of clarity on her feelings for him.

"Tink…"

"Seriously. I'm fine."

"Lily."

Now she knew he was irritated, and that could be an understatement. He never _ever_ called her Lily. She looked up from her essay, eyes determined. His were churning with anger, yes, but also hurt. It was the latter that baffled her.

"Is that what you think of me?"

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. It was a well known fact that James Potter was a lady's man. He and Sirius made no secret of it. She snorted. "What did you expect me to think?"

"I expected you to trust me," he said.

"I do trust you!" Lily exclaimed. "With my life! But trust has nothing to do with this!"

"Trust has everything to do with this."

Lily laughed hollowly. "Everyone knows your reputation, James. You're not knowing for holding onto a girl. Merlin's sake, I was impressed you remembered Tracy's name!" She watched him take a deep breath and vaguely registered in the back of her mind that he was trying to keep his own temper in check. It was a few more minutes before he replied.

"I remember your name," he told her, voice softer.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Of course you do, you've been hanging around me for the better part of five months."

James watched tears well in her eyes.

"What am I supposed to think, James?" she asked softly. "I'm nothing special and I'm sure as hell not your girlfriend. You don't have to explain yourself to me and you don't have to protect me. If you're skiving off patrolling, great, go have fun. It's not my place to tell you otherwise."

James blinked. Did she seriously think he didn't care about her? Before her attack, all he did was ask her out, over and over and over again. She thought he was sticking with her because of a superiority or hero complex and not out of the goodness of his heart, because he had actually started to enjoy spending time with her. He didn't get a chance to defend himself though, didn't get a chance to try and convince her of something else. She stood and left, throwing over her shoulder some sort of excuse about patrolling or prefects, he wasn't so sure.

He knew he should have chased after her, tried to make her understand that the full moon was coming up and he always had to do things around the full moon, but he didn't. Something told him to leave her simmer, let her calm down before trying to do anything rational. For now, he was left with a frustration at the redheaded sprite he shared a dorm with. What was wrong with her? Why was she so bitter? And what the heck had the bit about not being special linked to things at all?

James sighed, gathering up the invisibility cloak and heading to Gryffindor tower for the night of the full moon.

* * *

Meanwhile, Lily patrolled the halls of Hogwarts on her own, temper simmering, depression creeping into the corners of her mind. She was mad at a long of things. She was mad at herself for allowing James to find some way deep into her heart and life. She was mad at James for being such a lady's man. She was mad at the world for putting her in the situation she was currently dealing with. She was so caught up in her own thoughts that soft footfalls behind her went unacknowledged.

She stopped in the common room of her dorm, sighing when James was nowhere in sight. Then she was grabbed around the waist from behind. Reflex had her struggling violently, though she froze when she felt a point pressed against her head. The figure whispered an incantation and the world around Lily went dark.

Connor Peters pulled the unconscious redhead towards him, cradling her body in his arms. "He has plans for you, sweetheart and when he's finished he's promised you'll be mine."

He caught sight of the Tinkerbelle figurine by the window and gently set Lily on the couch, walking over and lifting the glass from the mantle. "And Potter can't do anything about it."

He threw the glass. It shattered in front of the fireplace. With a maniacal laugh, Connor picked Lily up, activating a portkey and disappearing from Hogwarts completely.

* * *

James walked into the common room early the next morning, completely exhausted from chasing Remus around the Forbidden Forest. He collapsed on one of the couches, unaware of the shattered glass that sparkled in the dying firelight.


	18. Chapter 16: When You're Gone

**Chapter 18**

It was pounding on the door that shocked James into wakefulness the next morning and what a rude awakening it was. Why hadn't Lily woken him when she left for breakfast as she always did? Was she really that irritated with him that she would leave him sleep so late?

"Damnit Potter, open the portrait!"

"I'm telling you, he doesn't know where she is."

James recognized Sirius' voice and stumbled to the portrait. He pushed it open, not prepared for Beka's violent punch.

"Hey!" Sirius yelled.

"What the hell?" James exclaimed, the momentum forcing him backwards. "What was that for?"

"Where the hell is she?" Beka yelled, stepping towards him, fists balled at her sides. "You swore she'd always be safe with you. I knew we should never have trusted you."

James opened and closed his mouth, trying to absorb the shock of Beka's hit. "I haven't seen Tink since last night," he told her honestly.

"Lily never misses class, Potter," Katie said calmly, coldly.

"I swear I haven't seen her," James repeated, heading off towards his bedroom. Then his mind caught up with the morning's events and he froze. A split second later he was tearing across the common room to rip open Lily's bedroom door. Everything was perfectly in its place, her bed still perfectly made. James turned a deathly pale face towards Beka, Katie and Sirius.

"She didn't stay in Gryffindor Tower?"

Beka rolled her eyes. "Why would she do that?"

James ran a hand through his hair, his heart beating at a million miles a minute. "We had a fight."

"You fought with Lily?" Katie asked raising an eyebrow. "About what?"

James' eyes were glancing around the common room, his forehead wrinkled in worry. "My reputation. Babysitting," he said vaguely. He dropped to the small table by the fire his head in his hands. "Damnit."

Katie and Beka exchanged a glance as Sirius watched quietly from behind. Lily was really and truly missing?

"Check the map," Sirius suggested, pulling tattered parchment from his pocket.

James perked up for a moment as Sirius laid the map out on the study table and activated it. Katie and Beka gasped, but James wasn't even paying attention. His eyes searched and searched the grounds for a good five minutes, but Lily Evans was nowhere to be found. He turned to lean against the table with a heavy sigh.

Then he spotted the firelight bouncing off of something in front of the hearth. He moved over to it, picking up the pieces of glass. It took him a few minutes to figure out what it was. "It's Tinkerbelle."

"Tink's figurine?" Sirius asked.

James nodded, feeling the irrational burn of tears in his throat. "What happened to her?"

Even Beka's heart softened at the uncharacteristic broken quality to James' voice. He was truly disturbed by Lily's disappearance, much like they were. "We have to go to Dumbledore," Katie said softly. "He has to know she's gone."

All four students made the trip to the Great Hall a quick one, but Beka couldn't hold her impatience and worry in any longer once they'd made it through the doors. She sprinted up to the dais, stopping right in front of Dumbledore.

"Sir, Lily's gone missing."

"Missing, Miss MaGuire?"

"She's gone, sir," Beka repeated, winded from her fast sprint. "She's not in her room, she's not in the castle."

Dumbledore exchanged a look with McGonnagall and the woman stood immediately, wiping her mouth daintily as she went. It was a deceptively calm action for a woman who's eyes screamed a slight panic. Dumbledore too was controlling his movements perfectly.

"Where is Mr Potter?"

James was just approaching then, Sirius at his side.

"Was anything out of place, Mr Potter?" Dumbledore asked quietly. "Anything at all."

"Just her Tinkerbelle figurine, sir," James responded dully. He felt so incredibly responsible. If he'd been with her, patrolled with her, stayed with her like he'd sworn to do after her attack, they wouldn't have been in this situation.

"Mr Potter," Dumbledore began, calling the younger man's attention to him. "There is nothing you could have done to change this. Remember that."

"I'll try, sir," James responded automatically. Lily truly was missing and James was starting to feel that acutely. It would have been better if she was giving him the cold shoulder, ignoring him as best she could. Not this. Anything but this.

* * *

When Lily came to she was sprawled out on a stone floor. It was cold and slimy and she took a moment to catalogue any possible injuries. It didn't feel like anything was too badly broken or too badly bruised. She flexed her fingers and toes. Just stiff. Good.

"Ah, finally awake my dear."

The voice was cold, calculating and it sent terrible shivers up and down Lily's spine. She took in her surroundings carefully as she raised her head. She was surrounded by hooded figures, black and cruel. _It's all a bad dream,_ she told herself. _ A terrible nightmare._

"We have plans for you, Miss Evans."

She made it to her hands and knees, pushing herself back to sit on her ankles. She looked up at the man towering over her, at the cruel smile and red eyes. Voldemort. She felt her breath catch in her throat at the prospect. She was a muggleborn witch completely surrounded by Death Eaters and the Dark Lord himself. Trouble was an understatement.

"What do you want from me?" she managed to croak out, shoring all of the courage she had.

"Merely a skill you have. You have evaded me for too long, Miss Evans. I blame Potter for that and his uncanny ability to step in right when you're at your lowest point, when you're most vulnerable, ripe for the picking."

Lily wasn't the smartest witch in her year for nothing. It took her tired and cloudy mind a few more minutes than usual to put together what was going on, but when she did, her eyes flashed. Lily had been struggling with the burden of her 'gift' as Dumbledore had called it. She'd read book after book after book and though she discovered that even with her power it was physically impossible to bring someone back from the dead if there was nothing that could be done for them, it was still a big thing to her.

She'd started training with Madam Pomfrey and though the woman could only give her the theory of the magic, Lily had picked it up quickly. It had been helpful in more than a few quidditch games where a bludger had taken out an arm or a nose. Even James had benefitted from her on-site help when a bludger had snapped his ankle clean in two. She'd been on hand in the Hospital Wing many-a-time when a student had come in with a spell or potion gone wrong.

As for her strength, Lily had read that it acted much like a muggle defibrillator or CPR. She could revive someone if they'd passed on, but only so long as the muggle devices could do the same. And that was only with extensive training. For now, she'd have to stick to the muggle equivalents. The books had also said that Avada Kadavera could not be countered. End of discussion.

So it really didn't make sense that Voldemort was so concentrated on her abilities. Unless he didn't know.

"Its not what you think it is," she said, voice weak.

"Oh?"

Then she was moving, hands clasping her arms tightly and dragging her across the slimy floor. Then she was in chains, a particularly uncomfortable stone digging into her shoulder blade. Lily gulped as one of the men ran a hand down her cheek.

"You will be a lovely one to break," he hissed with a leer on his face.

"Lestrange, that is enough."

Lily had long ago computed that it was Voldemort that was doing all of the talking and it gave her the worst shivers in her life. Even Conner's attack hadn't had her this off kilter. It was a distinct possibility that she wouldn't be living in a week's time.

"Everyone has their price," Voldemort said, snapping his fingers.

The door opened and a young man was led into the room and chained on the opposite wall as she was. She gasped. She'd recognize that mop of black hair anywhere. Tears burned her eyes and choked her throat as she took in the bruises and the blood covering his body. Even if she was angry with him, she never wanted to see him hurting like that.

"Now, you have proven that injuring your body has very little effect, probably because of your power," Voldemort said almost conversationally. "But I'm sure you'll join our side when you can't help him."

Lily turned her head away as five men converged on James' body, beating him, throwing crutiatus curses at him. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she listened to the screams and the laughter.

"Don't you want to watch?" Lestrange hissed in her ear, gripping her chin and forcing her eyes to lock on James' convulsing body.

_James, I'm sorry_.

* * *

_**Actually, I'm sorry, for how incredibly and totally LONG this took me to post. According to 's calculations the last update was in June and it is now AUGUST! So I'm sorry, but I have a couple of chapters written, so the next update shouldn't be that far away.**_

_**Loves for your patience!**_

_08-22-08_


	19. Chapter 17: Just Breathing

**Just Breathing  
**

It was dark, cold, clammy, gross and Lily knew there was no way she was going to make it out of that dungeon without a cold at the very least. Her body was constantly shivering. She was hungry, she was thirsty but her will was strong. She'd promised James, promised Dumbledore, that no matter what, she wouldn't give herself up. They'd kill her before they used her. It was painful, especially when she had to watch them put James through all sorts of torture spells, but James had made her swear in blood.

They'd come and gone throughout the time she'd been there, torturing James, jeering at her, but she'd stayed remarkably strong. She had no idea where her will power was coming from, why she hadn't just given in ages ago and healed James' broken and battered body. She had no idea how he was handling this, how he was still alive.

She had no indication of how long she'd been locked away. She guess at least twenty-four hours, but had a feeling it was more than that. Her heart ached, her head ached, and she was sure her shoulder was dislocated from the stone digging into her back. She swore she'd felt it pop out and pop back in. It was still painfully sore.

This time when the door opened, Voldemort was with the Death Eaters that circled James' body. By this point, Lily was used to the routine, though this was the first time since she'd been originally captured that Voldemort had been present and it sent chills through her body that were worse than the cold she was feeling.

"Ah, Miss Evans. You are much stronger than I expected."

Lily wrinkled her face in the best scowl she could manage through her exhaustion and pain. "Go to hell," she managed in a soft, weak voice.

Voldemort laughed, a cold sound that made everyone in the room shiver unpleasantly. He levelled his wand at James' body. "Tell me, how does a mudblood come into possession of some of the strongest and most valuable wandless wizarding magic?"

Lily was confused. She'd always used a wand when performing her spells. Wandless magic was simply too difficult to master and though she was ambitious, stronger wizards had killed themselves from the practice. But Lily had to keep her emotions in check. She'd already shown too much with her constant tears.

"No answer?" His wand moved quickly through the air and James convulsed screaming.

Lily flinched by didn't say a thing. She'd promised, sworn in blood, in wizarding magic. It was more than an affront to break a seal like that and she wasn't about to risk everything. She did her best to block out the sound singing a pointless song in her head.

His questioning continued in the same vein for some time, allowing James a second to relax, enough time to ask her another question, before hitting him with the curse again. Lily felt her emotions welling up in her chest as she was forced to watch but stubbornly bit her lip. She felt it start to bleed, felt her teeth break skin but continued, swallowing the copper taste.

Until James stopped moving completely.

"He's dead, Master."

Lily heard the words, processed them, and let go. She screamed long and loud, an anguished cry that was worse than the one she'd released upon finding out her parents had been killed. James had been all she had left of a family, the only person she cared about more than life itself.

Voldemort saw what was happening. "Hold her, you fools! Do not let her go! Stop her screaming!"

But Lily was too far gone. She could feel her body tensing for something, but didn't know what was happening. All she knew was her pain, her anger, her frustration, her utter all-consuming grief. Her throat started to hurt, ripped raw from the sound, but she kept going, the energy in her building at an alarming rate. Then, in a flash of light that sent all of the people in the room backwards to the walls, Lily Evans was gone.

And James Potter's body slowly turned back into Conner Peters.

* * *

"I don't understand," Beka said shaking her head. "Why Lily? Why can't we find her?"

It had been days since Lily had gone missing and there had been no sign of her anywhere. They were more than nervous, more than concerned. Her chances of being alive if she'd been taken by Voldemort were pretty much zero by this point and they all knew it.

James was on autopilot. He went to classes, went to meals, did his homework, but wasn't his normal partying self. Even Remus, recovered from his stay in the Hospital Wing, was baffled by James' complete one-eighty. It was torture to see his friend so down, in so much pain. They, even Beka and Katie, had been sticking close to James, just waiting for something, for the other shoe to drop, but James barely spoke, never pulled a prank and never responded to the Slytherin jeers.

They'd tried everything to get him to respond, but James had barely acknowledged them, let alone done anything. Even Sarah couldn't get him to respond. They sat in the common room now, Sirius and Remus locked in a game of wizard's chess, Beka and Katie by the fire. Peter was off doing whatever he'd taken to doing lately and James sat by the window, silent and stoic.

Finally he sighed, standing and heading out of the room. He needed to do something. He couldn't get his mind off of Lily, off of his guilt surrounding her disappearance. He blamed himself almost completely. He hadn't been there for her like he promised and now she was gone, probably in Voldemort's hands. It pained him to even think about.

He waited until he was outside the castle to call his broom to him and took off towards the quidditch pitch. He knew the others were following, Sarah included who had taken to sticking close to his side whenever she could, but he ignored them. They were waiting for him to explode, to do something stupid, to break the promise Dumbledore had forced him to make and go after her.

What he didn't expect was what he found on the pitch. His legs carried him to the lump quickly, his long stride a benefit and he dropped to his knees beside the crumpled black robe, turning the body over and gasped. It was Lily.

"James Potter, you stop your bloody sulking this-" Sarah's voice trailed off in her throat as she caught sight of what James was intent on.

"Is that…?" she asked quietly, dropping down by James' side.

Katie, Beka, Sirius and Remus caught up to them, all looking down at the young woman. James heard a breath hitch and wasn't sure anymore who's it was.

"Is she…" Beka began, her voice choked.

James bent down, pressing an ear delicately to her chest. "She's alive," he said pulling away, stroking her face. "But she's burning up."

"And she's covered in dirt and grime," Remus agreed. "We have to get her to Pomfrey."

"What if there's injuries we don't know about? We can't move her, we could kill her," James said, his voice bordering on frantic now. It was an interesting cross between panic and relief. She was back, and she was alive. "Tink? Come on, Tink, wake up."

"We have to get Dumbledore," Remus continued, taking charge. "We have to get her help, James."

"I'll go," Sarah volunteered immediately. "Give me your broom."

James didn't even have to hand over the object. Sarah picked it up and mounted it like a pro before racing off to the Hospital Wing.

_You have to be okay, Tink,_ James thought to himself as he stroked her face with one hand, his other wrapped tightly around hers. _You have to be._


	20. Chapter 18: Awake in a Dream

**Awake in a Dream  
**

Pomfrey had said she was in a coma. It was better than dead, but she was still unresponsive and James had sworn to himself to sit by her bedside until she woke again. He hadn't moved in days, not for food, not for sleep and not for any prank Sirirus and Remus could come up with. It was like James was in a coma himself, unresponsive to anything except the redhead lying prone in a Hospital Wing bed. He didn't want to leave her, just in case she woke. He wanted to be there when her brilliant green eyes opened.

It was five days in when Sarah had come almost storming into the Hospital Wing.

"This isn't healthy Jamie," she began, eyes blazing fire but voice quiet. "You need to eat, you need to get some sleep."

James shook his head. "I can't leave her. What if she wakes up and she doesn't know where she is? What if she's scared? What if this isn't real and I'm going to wake up and she's gone?"

"She's not going anywhere," Sarah tried to reassure him. "If it makes you feel better, I'll sit here while you go sleep and get some food. Just... Please take a break." She was really starting to worry, starting to almost freak out. She was glad Lily was back in one piece but it was killing her to see James destroying himself in fear. She knew there wasn't anything any of them could do until she woke up. Pomfrey had said her body had no reason to need healing, but her mind did. She'd guessed Lily had locked herself away in her body to avoid something that h ad tortured her mind.

It took a little bit more wheedling on Sarah's part, but eventually James agreed to go to his own bed for some sleep and get some food. Sarah sat down at Lily's bedside and gently took one of the redhead's hands.

"He's killing himself, Lily. He's so worried about you, so scared that you're not going to come back," she whispered. "He loves you and he needs you back here with him. I've never seen him so broken, never seen him wander so aimlessly as he did while you were missing. He wants nothing more than to keep you safe, to make sure you never hurt again. He's blaming himself. He thinks it's his fault you went missing, his fault you went through whatever you did. You need to come back, you need to wake up, you need to tell him that it wasn't his fault and that you love him too."

Sarah's eyes searched Lily's face, but the young woman in the bed was unresponsive. With a sigh Sarah leaned back with a textbook and started in on her homework while she waited.

* * *

Her head was swimming, her brain foggy as she woke up in one of the most uncomfortable positions she'd ever slept in. She was one to curl up in a ball to sleep, on her side or on her stomach, rarely on her back. And yet, there she was waking up to blink at the ceiling. Stone ceiling, bright sunlight... she sighed as she closed her eyes for another moment. Another dream. She'd had a number of them during her time chained to the dungeon wall, dreams where she was safe at Hogwarts, away from Voldemort, away from the pain, from the torture.

"Why hello, Miss Evans."

Lily turned her head much too quickly and her vision swam, even though she was lying down. Madam Pomfrey was bustling around the corner of the curtain, bottles in hand.

"We were wondering when you'd wake."

Lily's eyes widened. This wasn't a dream at all. Slowly, she took in her body, the feeling in her legs, her arms, a pressure on her left hand. She looked over to a messy head of black hair and sighed. It looked so much like James' messy locks. But she'd watched him die. "How long?"

"Almost a week," the nurse answered.

"A week?" Lily asked loudly, wincing at her own volume. But it was enough for the messy head to look up at the world around him.

"Madam Pomfrey? What's going on?"

"Miss Evans, Mr Potter. Time flies when you're unconscious my dear." The latter was directed at Lily.

"Well can you tell them to- What?" His eyes darted to Lily's, seeing them open, confused, and terrified. "Tink?"

Lily shook her head. "You're dead. What kind of trick is this?"

"I'm... No I... I'm not... dead."

"I watched you die," Lily answered stubbornly. "They're playing another cruel trick." Tears leaked out of her eyes. How much longer were they going to do this to her? When were they going to see that she had no more of an idea of what they were talking about and she had no idea how to tap into this 'power' she apparently had.

"No," James said firmly, wrapping both of his hands around her left one. "I haven't left the school, Lily. Dumbledore wouldn't let me come after you or I would have. Oh, I would have."

Lily let out a sob. "I'm dreaming again. I'm sick of dreaming. I want to go home."

"You are home, honey," James tried. "You're home and I promise I'm not an illusion. I'm alive, I'm here, I'm breathing." He put her hand to his chest, allowing her to feel his heartbeat under her palm. Tears continued to fall down Lily's face until James couldn't take it anymore and all but climbed into bed with her, wrapping his arms tightly around her body as it shook with sobs. "I'm here, Tink. This isn't an illusion. I'm here."

A polite clearing of the throat brought the attention of both teens to Headmaster Dumbledore.

"Madam Pomfrey called," Dumbledore said with his kindly smile. "I'm glad to see you're awake, Miss Evans."

Lily didn't say anything, but managed a small, teary, watery smile.

"Mr Potter, if you could go get your friends? I'm sure they would like to know Miss Evans is awake."

James reluctantly pulled himself away from Lily, trying to hide the relief and happiness when lily tried to hold on. He kissed her temple briefly. "I'll be back in a bit," he promised.

Dumbledore didn't bother with pleasantries. "The aurors will be here to talk to you shortly. Is there anything you'd like to talk about first?"

Lily shook her head. She didn't want to tell the story more often than she had to.

"Very well then."

"But, professor... This is going to sound like an odd question but... is that really James?"

"Of course, Miss Evans. He hasn't left Hogwarts. Mr Peters, however, is missing. You wouldn't have seen him, would you?"

Lily would have sworn Dumbledore's eyes were twinkling at the absolutely shocked look on her face. "I... I don't..."

Dumbledore nodded his understanding. "That's quite all right. I'm sure someone will find out where he got off to."

Lily smiled gingerly. Then the doors to the Hospital Wing burst open and Beka and Katie burst through the doors, both skidding to a stop at Lily's bedside. The next thing Lily knew, she was being suffocated by both of her friends, their arms wrapped around her in a tight hug. "You're awake."

"Can't... breathe..."

Both girls let go almost simultaneously, backing up so they were sitting on either side of her. "Are you okay?"

Lily nodded slowly. "I think so." She looked at both of her friends. Something was wrong. Something was off. "What's wrong?"

"Um... Your Tinkerbelle, Lil," Katie began. "It's..."

Lily sighed. It was the one thing that reminded her of the good times, of the happy times, of the times before drama and pain had taken over. "How?"

"No one knows. We found it the morning after... well, we found it in front of the fire place. Shattered. James... he looked so defeated, Lil," Katie replied softly.

Lily nodded, lifting her head only when there was a new commotion at the door. She smiled affectionately when three boys skidded through the doorway. James made his way over to her immediately, almost dislodging Beka to press a kiss to her forehead. Remus was smiling. Sirius stood by idly.

"Glad to see you're awake," Remus offered, always the concerned one.

"Glad to be awake, I think," Lily replied, thankful he didn't ask how she was doing.

Madam Pomfrey chose that moment to come bustling in, frowning at the multitude of visitors Lily had accumulated. "Miss Evans needs her rest. Everyone clear out," she ordered, her tone brooking no argument.

Slowly, the five able-bodied teens said their goodbyes and wandered out. Lily was left alone with her own thoughts as her eyes drifted closed.

* * *

_**This is what happens when you're sick of reading about the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child, the YCJA and stupid political agendas. Hope you liked it and it makes sense with everything! And thanks for your patience in waiting for this. **_


	21. Chapter 19: The Pain of Recovery

**_I feel like I should tell you guys that I'm sorry. The original story had different names in it than this one and so I sometimes get really confused and really mixed up with character names. I appreciate everyone who has e-mailed me and mentioned that I've made name mistakes. Sometime I'll go back through and edit them. Once again, I apologize._**

* * *

**The Pain of Recovery  
**

It was much more difficult for Lily to get back in the swing of school this time around. Unlike after her attack, her body had been beaten and battered and her mind was definitely nowhere close to the right place to be thinking about her education. And that didn't even begin on her emotional injuries. She and James, intentionally or otherwise, avoided each other for much of her first week back. Normally, she would have protested, but her time in the hospital wing had given her many opportunities to think.

Whether she loved James or not, she was way too dependent on him for her tastes. Before her attack, she'd been completely independent. She could walk the halls without a care in the world, without fear of someone kidnapping her, raping her, or hurting her in any way. After her attack, she'd leaned heavily on James for emotional support and protection. But that wasn't his job. They didn't live in medieval England anymore. Lily was as responsible of taking care of herself as anyone else in that castle.

Not only that, but Lily had come to the conclusion that should she have separated herself from James, made sure she didn't become dependent on him, she wouldn't have been put through the hell she'd gone through in the dungeons of some Death Eater lair. She was confused, she was hurt and she wanted answers from everyone. How had she managed to escape that dungeon? Who had perished in James place? Some of her biggest questions circled around her own emotions. She'd spent a lot of time denying she was worried, that she was attached that she was-

_In love_.

Lily paused right in the middle of a busy hall, accidentally forcing people to trip over her until she was pressed against the stone wall. Where had that thought come from? She wasn't in love with James Potter. In fact, if anything, she was frustrated with him to no end. He'd been the one that had been so sweet, so kind, so protective, that she grew to rely on him for everything. He'd weaselled his way into her life and made himself a comfortable little nest in her heart. Normally, and under any other set of circumstance, she would have set him straight about how much she didn't need him in her life. Instead, they'd become friends and even she, the current queen of denial, had to admit they were special to each other.

She sighed heavily as she finally made it to the empty classroom Dumbledore had asked her to meet him in over the lunch hour. It was their usual training period, a chance for Lily to try and exercise the magic Voldemort had seemed so keen on taking from her. It was a lot of work, but it was her gift and if it could help their side in the war, she was willing to do whatever it took to train herself to use it.

It was just too bad her research had shown she couldn't bring people back from the dead. And too bad Voldemort hadn't known that. She straightened her shoulders, absently listening to Dumbledore's instructions. Her pessimistic attitude was something that had woken with her after her kidnapping and she'd done a brilliant job of convincing herself that James didn't care about her. She told herself it was especially true after their fight. She'd heard the gossip, heard the rumours. He was back to his old ways. She was nothing special.

And it hurt

* * *

Things were collapsing around him at an alarming rate. Not only had Lily stopped talking to him and started avoiding him, James knew the school was talking about it too. They'd been inseparable before her disappearance and now it was impossible to find them together. Rumours spread like wildfire through the first few days that he'd tried to sleep with her and she'd turned him down flat. Other rumours were more along the lines of him finding a new girl to take her place and throwing her aside. Either way, he didn't want to think about it. He knew he and Lily had been out of sync for at the very least a couple of weeks leading up to their fight and her disappearance. Above all else, with his whole heart, he just wanted to fix it. But Lily found a way to block him at every opportunity.

Since her abduction, she'd quarantined herself off from the rest of the school including Beka and Katie. She spent her free time holed up in some remote corner of the library with her assignments, readings and studying, so much so that she maybe saw them for meal times. He knew she had only been working, hadn't taken time off or time to herself. He wasn't stupid enough not to peg it as a coping mechanism. What was bothering him so much was that he couldn't seem to figure out if it was bothering her as much as it was bothering him.

The fight was still fresh in his mind and had this uncanny ability to pop up in his brain whenever he stepped into the common room. He could still see the shattered Tinkerbelle from where he and Katie had picked up the pieces. He could still hear the hurt in her voice, see the pain in her eyes when he sat in front of the fire. He hadn't been able to work in that common room since she disappeared.

But no matter how much he'd intentionally or unintentionally hurt her, he was having a very hard time dealing with some of the comments she'd said. He'd never ever thought of spending time with her as babysitting. He'd always wanted to spend time with her, to get to know her, to understand every little unique nuance of who she was. It was second nature for him at this point to want to be in her company. Protecting her was his personality, part of his nature, part of who he was and he'd never considered even for a moment that she'd want her freedom. She'd seemed just as happy to have him around as he was to be around her.

Apparently, he'd been terribly and horribly wrong.

* * *

Beka knew Lily had created a bubble. It was what she did when something was really bothering her, when she couldn't get something out of her head, when all she really wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry. It was this reason that she and Katie hadn't worried about it in the beginning. Now though, things had changed. No matter how upset Lily was, she inevitably came to either her or Katie. But there had been no sign of Lily except at wake up and at bed time. The girls never talked, Lily never talked, and it was disconcerting to say the least. Beka couldn't think of the last time Lily had even subjected herself to social interaction outside of the classroom. She'd buried her head so far into those books Beka was starting to worry if they'd ever come out.

Beka liked to think she knew Lily, arguably better than Lily knew herself. She knew how the redhead worked. So it was painfully difficult for her to see Lily so upset, so much so that she avoided people like they'd burn her. Stella had watched many disturbing things in her life and heard so much more from the stories Katie's parents, as wizards, had told, but Beka wasn't sure anything could have prepared her for this. She felt betrayed. And the worst part was that Beka knew only one person could change the way Lily was.

So as she approached James Potter, sitting in one of the really squishy arm chairs by the fire, she had to take a deep breath. He didn't look up until she cleared her throat.

"We need to talk."

* * *

"Katie?"

Katie jumped, not realizing someone had joined her in the astronomy tower. She'd been having a good quality think up in the quiet about what had been going on with her best friends. Everyone was so subdued and it was starting to scare her. "Remus," she greeted calmly, turning back to the stars.

Remus took a seat on the ledge beside her, just studying her. Finally, he opened his mouth to speak. "You're worried."

It was a statement, one that she didn't confirm or deny. Remus had become a constant in her life since Lily and James had started their intense bonding and Katie had found that they both tended to play the third party observer role. They often found themselves acting as go-betweens for their friends since Beka stuck very close to Lily and Sirius to James. So they'd started to stick together.

"How is Lily?"

She knew there was no way she could lie to him. "Terrible. James?"

"About the same."

They sat in silence for a moment. Remus followed her gaze before he spoke and Katie braced herself for something she might find offensive.

"Do you know why she yelled at him?"

It was a genuine question that Katie had to think about for a few moments. "She never told me."

It was a neutral answer.

"Guess."

Katie shrugged. "I'm not even sure Lily understands," she told him honestly. "She cries herself to sleep at night. She's thrown herself into her school work. I'm don't think I've had an honest conversation with her since she woke up."

"Sirius is starting to worry about James."

Katie nodded absently at the announcement. "I feel like I should be mad at James for something, you know?" she said after a few more moments of silence.

Remus nodded his understanding. He often felt the same way about Lily. "I can't be," he replied, cementing her belief that they were in this together. Remus leaned his head back against the stone wall where they sat. "She changed him."

The comment took Katie by surprise. "What?"

"Tink changed James. Not many people noticed it and I'm surprised you didn't. He's not the same person he was before her attack."

Katie had to consider that a moment. It was very true. Before James had found out about Lily's abusive relationship, he was constantly seen with a new girl on his arm every day, snogging a new one in the hallways before classes, pulling pranks on anyone who simply walked past him. The pranks had suddenly stopped one day and James was only ever seen walking down the hallway with a certain redhead. Sure, he still had his fair share of dates, but Katie hadn't been sure if those were war stories from the girls around the school or truth. It had stopped completely when Lily had disappeared and only started up again as the school noticed that they couldn't find James Potter with Lily Evans anymore.

"True," she acknowledged finally. A contemplative silence fell over them once again. "She's broken," Katie whispered, angry at herself for the tears she found punching at her nose.

"So is he."

"We can't put the pieces together," she continued.

"No matter how hard we try," he agreed.

"So what can we do?" She sounded like a lost little girl.

"I don't know, Katie."

"I hate seeing her like this. She doesn't even seem to try anymore. She's just going through the motions."

Remus empathized with her and told her as much. "I know."

* * *

**_I know this probably isn't the chapter you guys wanted, but it was a necessary chapter. You get to see how almost all of them are coping with everything. _**

**_One more chapter and then I think this can be considered complete._**


	22. Chapter 20: Call Me Tinkerbell

**Call Me Tinkerbell  
**

Lily sat in a small alcove hidden away in the castle. She found herself sitting there a lot since she'd returned to Hogwarts, just pondering things. A lot of 'what ifs' had wheedled their way into her conscious thoughts since she fought with James. She didn't agree with what he was doing, but she was falling apart without him beside her.

_Talk to him,_ her head whispered constantly when she caught him staring at her out of the corner of her eye. She adamantly refused every time, telling herself that she shouldn't be the one to start the patching.

She'd managed to convince herself that it was James' fault they fought that day – though she couldn't and didn't blame him at all for her kidnapping – but at the same time managed to convince herself he hated her because of it. Hope soared in her chest every time she caught him staring but then he'd continue to ignore her.

She copied him.

_In his defence you haven't seen him with a girl since before the Christmas holidays,_ that annoying voice told her mockingly. Lily resisted the urge to bang her head against the stone where she sat. She never mentioned to anyone she'd seen him change. Things most people thought were subtle were glaringly obvious to a person who'd spent so much time rejecting him only to find that he'd entrenched himself firmly in her heart.

Still she felt babied.

Subconsciously she knew he wasn't doing it purposefully but it gave her fuel for the fire and kept her from running back and apologizing for jumping to conclusions. She didn't need him and she was out to prove that to herself.

* * *

James sat on his bed in the Head Dorms, moping as he usually did at that time of night. He had the Marauder's map in front of him, an invention which he, Sirius and Remus were intensely proud of, watching people wander the school. He saw Remus and Hayley in the Astronomy Tower, Sirius in the kitchens, Stella in the Owlry and professors wandering the halls. Finally, his eyes fell on the name above a small dot in an abandoned corridor.

Lily Evans.

He watched her sit there every night, wondered what she was thinking about. He knew she hated his player ways and how he picked up a girl only to throw her out a few days later. He completely regretted fighting with her in the first place.

He thought she hated him.

He'd never, in the five months he's spent with the redhead, considered spending time with her as babysitting. She challenged him in ways he'd never known and didn't cease to surprise him with her well of seemingly useless knowledge. All of the other girls he'd spent time with only spent that time with him because he was James Potter. To Lily, that didn't matter.

Or so he thought.

Now, he sat in his room pondering whether or not to take the map and find her, tell her he was sorry for getting mad at her and that he loved her for the person she was. He wanted to make her believe that he spent time with her because he wanted to and used the excuse of protection to do it. He wanted to explain that if she'd told him she was feeling babied he would have backed off, but still wanted to spend time with her.

_So do it, you coward. You've been moping for weeks because both of you are too stubborn to say anything to the other,_ his mind told him angrily.

His mind was made for him.

* * *

Lily looked up at the sound of footsteps partially surprised to see a sheepish James Potter rounding the corner.

"Mind if I join you?"

She was surprised at his request but tried not to show it, nodding her agreement. He leaned against the wall at her feet. They were silent as Lily stared out at the black grounds and James gathered his thoughts.

"Lily…" he trailed off as his hazel eyes met her bright green ones. Until they solved this, he didn't think he deserved to call her Tink, the same name he'd christened her with one terrible night. Finally he sucked in a deep breath. "I don't know if I should be apologizing or not because I'm not totally sure I've done anything wrong."

Lily scoffed and rolled her eyes, though James could see the relief in them. She was happy one of them was finally extending the olive branch of peace and was starting to rebuild the bridge that had crashed and burned.

"What you said during our fight made me think about a few things and reorganize my priorities. I need you to believe me, Lily, when I say that I didn't mean to make you think I was babysitting you. I never, ever, ever, though of spending time with you as babysitting." She scoffed again and James realized that making her understand was probably going to be much harder than he'd expected. So, he went for the honest approach, opening himself up to the redheaded sprite unlike he'd ever done before.

"Truthfully, Lily, I was scared. I was afraid that once you'd healed there wouldn't be anything left of the bond we'd formed. You'd be independent again and wouldn't have any reason to keep me around. By telling you I was going to be there to protect you it gave me a reason to stay around forever, never let go of what we had." He could tell Lily was listening carefully to his words and weighing them impeccably in her mind.

"We had something special, Lily, something that no one could come between. At least, that's what I thought. You were my top priority during those five months, Lily, you came before my friends and before any other girl in the entire school. Any time I left you alone with anyone else, I was scared something was going to happen and when I came back, you'd be destroyed, crushed again." Her eyes were bright with unshed tears.

"How you I know you're telling me the truth?"

"Do you trust me?"

She was annoyed that he answered a question with a question but he'd presented her with a conundrum. A few weeks ago she would have said yes without hesitation, now, she thought about it. In truth, he'd never done anything to betray the trust she'd placed in him the first night he'd healed her cuts and bruises. She had no reason to believe he'd ever betray her to even his closest friends. He hadn't even told his parents for Merlin's sake! So why was she hesitant.

"Yes," she answered finally, her voice and body not showing the trace of hesitation she'd shown before thinking it through.

"Then you have to trust that I'm telling you the truth."

She thought about the catalyst to their fight, remembering that trust had come up in the argument. "I told you I didn't trust you," she said suddenly.

"What?"

"During our fight. Essentially, I told you I didn't trust you."

He took a moment to think back, all of the words spoken in the heat of angry passion cemented into his brain.

_"Is that what you think of me?" he asked softly._

_"What did you expect me to think?"_

_"I expected you to trust me!"_

_"I do trust you, with my life, but trust has nothing to do with this!"_

_"Trust has everything to do with this."_

"You told me you trusted me."

Lily shook her head. "Verbally, but by not believing you and by jumping to conclusions I told you that I didn't," she answered as if it was the most logical thing in the world.

It was.

"Do you want to hear the truth now?" he asked finally, after a few moments of contemplation.

Lily thought for a moment. "Yes."

"I never did anything beyond kiss a girl since you stumbled into the common room in September and haven't truly done that since December. I couldn't, Lily."

"Why not?"

"Because of you."

She gasped.

He looked down at the floor, finding the stones interesting.

"You're a very special and complicated woman, Lily Evans, one that I devoted all of my time to figuring out. You aren't an airhead, you aren't a ditz and you know what's going on in the world. You aren't wrapped up in makeup and guys and you put everyone else before yourself. You challenge me, Lily, in everything I do and you want explanations for why everything happens. You wanted to know why I wasn't out every night and why I used girls, even if you never asked the questions.

"The truth is, I couldn't. I kept comparing every girl to you, even though I didn't know you intimately. Even when I was… busy… I couldn't…" he trailed off, taking a moment to gather his thoughts.

"You were the most important thing in my life for six months, Lily and I'm not sure… no I'm not ready to let that go." Lily sniffled and reached out to touch his arm, lowering herself to the floor in the process. He looked up at her, noticing the awe in her eyes at his admission. There were unreadable emotions in her eyes that he couldn't put his finger on.

Lily for her part noticed the pain and anguish in his face. Their time apart had really taken a toll on him and the vibrant youth she thought she saw every day in classes had suddenly aged beyond his years. His eyes reflected the sleepless nights he'd spent thinking about what went wrong and his face held the tired lines of worry. She knew she didn't look too much better.

"I love you, Lily," he said suddenly, knowing he meant it with every fibre of his being. "I don't know when or how it happened, but I'm in love with you."

She felt the life flow back into her cheeks as the words fell from his lips and felt the first genuine smile blossom over her face since she'd returned three weeks prior. She reached out to cup his cheek as the tears fell unchecked down her face. Her heart was fit to burst.

"I love you too," she whispered to him the thrill of finally saying the words pumping adrenaline through her blood. James leaned into her hand, hesitantly wrapping his arms around her and hugging her close. Her arms wrapped themselves around his neck. They were insanely happy that they'd solved their differences, or at least understood them further.

"We should be getting back, you look exhausted." She nodded and they made their way back to the portrait of their common room.

"Miss Evans! Welcome back!" the portrait exclaimed. Lily couldn't wipe the grin off of her face. James said the password and she walked into the common room. It was an absolute mess and Lily couldn't help the bark of laughter that left her throat. James had the sense to look sheepish.

"Come on, Lily, let's call it a night."

"Tink," she corrected him.

"What?"

"Call me Tinkerbell."

* * *

**_And there we have it ladies and gentlemen. The conclusion of this little rewrite. I must admit, I'm much happier with this one than I am with it's original. _**

**_But, what matters is what you guys think. Let me know!_**


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